Index
CWAL Outlaw Stories
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Subject: CWAL SHUTDOWN for CHRISTMAS
From: Smoke (CWAL - SACWALAC)
Sun Dec 14 23:30 PM
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This is a public service message from your friendly neghborhood Chronicler...(yes Stave I'm
still here, Still copy-pasting as fast as
I can)
Your getting sleepy, Verry verrrry sleepy, (HEY GET AWAY FROM THAT COFFEE!! <SMACK> ) Listen
to the sound of my voice!.
Go my children.. Go to your relatives, go to the farthest reaches of your country and
everywhere you see a Christmas tree you will shout. "Give me Starcraft or give me death!!!"
When I snap my fingers you will awake and it will be january 4th and CWAL will once again
terrify the world with it's stagering feats of bravery in the search of the perfect game.
<snap>
"on second thought, let's not go to camelot. 'tis a silly place"
Ok that's it folks... As of midnight CWAL is closed for the holidays. .Blizzard can relax and
work on the game in peace (hehe false sense of security). For anyone thinking of attacking
the empty HQ we are still leaving the perimeter defenses on. "Jolt don't stand so close to
that power converter dude <SKKKATCH> .... ewwww"
Anyone posting stories between here and Jan 4 will be subject to disciplinary execution by one
of the following prefered methods.
1. Strapped to Jolt and sent out to buy milk.
2. Target practice for Snuggles & co.
3. Target practice for CWAL & co.
4. Peace offering to the mimes.
5. Strategic decoy for Flenser. (Just draw it out and hold it still for a second)
6. Brain transplant practice for Pez.
7. peace envoy to Blizzards CEO.
8. Staked down for Fron's ammusement with the cattle-prod.
9. Three words " Forged CWAL flame"
10. Stood next to Ni while the rest of CWAL shouts his name.
11. Having your story totally ignored by all other CWAL members.
12. Landing coach for War2Guy
13. Jolt & Ni clean-up duty
14. Blamed for screwing up Iolaus's plot line.
15 Shout "HEY FLENSER YOUR MOMMA WAS A REFRIGERATOR" then point at the offender.
16. Walk up to Smoke with a sign saying "Smoke Free environment"
17. Framed for stealing Pez's spatula.
18. Serves coffee to Prysym
19. Standing in the blast path when someone shouts BETA-SIGN-UP
20. Alone in a room with the doppleganger
21. Alone in a room with Franklin
22. Alone in a room on the 19th from 6pm to Midnight PST
23. Dress him in a squirrel costume.
24. The 100% sure fire, never fails, cloaked Flenser detector. Live bait
25. And last but not least . Forced to walk through HQ holding a can of Instant decaf.
See you all around the forum and hopefully at least one of you in Blizzard.beta.battle.net
next week. Untill the 4th "Peace on earth good will to men, moogles, and other assorted
species"
Smoke (CWAL - SACWALAC)
<*^*> "Second hand Smoke is just as deadly"
PS: I will also be on holidays but I do hope to keep in contact via the forum..
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Subject: Pez's Civil Disobedience(CWAL)
From: Paranoid CWALer
Mon Dec 15 12:54 PM
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Well Pez wanted me to post this, but asked me not to mention his name(something about being
straped to Jolt...) He told me to write something about CWAL and oppose the Sabatical. So I,
Paranoid CWALer wrote this story...
[Inside CWAL HQ...]
Io: What time is it?
PAranoid CWALer: I don't know.
Io: You gonna get up and look?
Paranoid CWALer: nope.
Io: Ok.
This concludes my story. A intigal part of my story. IF you too are a member of CWAL opposed
to the sabatical, post here.
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Subject: Something neat.
From: Pez(CWAL)
Mon Dec 15 13:14 PM
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I didn't have anything to do with this;-)
(or as Paranoid CWALer would put it "That's what I'd like you to belive")
Reading threw one of the Blizzard lists I found this.
>> [20] What do you think about the CWAL series of stories?
>> I
>> think
>> they're
>> amazing!
>
>
> Yes, they're funny :)
Very unwise PatN. You souldn't let them know you read them.
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Subject: Last (sob) Cwal story.
From: Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Mon Dec 15 14:00 PM
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This(sniffle...) is my last CWAL story (sob) for quite a while. (Blows his nose in tissue)
I'm sure (sob) you will all miss me. (Sniffle...sob...) Please take the camera off me (sob)
TAKE IT OFF ME! (sniffle.. brakes out in tears.)
Red Turtle Cook Order chef: Man you are a big ass wuss!
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Shut the $%@#* up!! We have more important things to do!
Orange Kangaroo Waiter: Like what??
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Destroy Blizzard.
XX> !!!WARNING!!!
XX>Blizzard Hero Dectected!
(Red turns around and looks at the flashing computer screen. A small band of footmen seem to
be heading this way.)
Orange Kangaroo Waiter: God damn it! It's DANATH!!!
(One of the monitors outside show 6 footmen . One says "Draw steel boys." and they all attack.)
Red Turtle Cook Order Chef: DAMN!! Were being grunt rushed!
XX>Were being attacked!!
XX>They're destroying our city!!
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: We need HELP FAST!!!
(Red looks inspired as a lightbulb forms over his head. He quickly rus over to the computer
monitor and types in a few line of c++ code. He then hits the "execute" button. Bells from an
Ice cream truck come in over the loud speakers. The sound is quickly dwarfed by the distant
rumbleing of CWALers wanting to eat many cones of ice cream.)
Jolt: Triple Ripple please.
Smoke: Hey! Where the hell is the ice cream?
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: There is none
(Jolt not hearing there is no ice cream here see's a bottle of something that looks like Ice
cream. He promptly drinks it.)
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: You Idiot!! That was hyper sulfuric bile acid!!
Jolt: I'm dead, aren't I.
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Quite.
(Jolt then dissovles into a small puddle of goo. Everyone backs away quickly.)
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: What'll we do?!?
Cartman: If I was being killed by Danath I'd say, bitch go make me a pot pie and a cheesy poo!
(The footmen have broken into the ICR complex. They start heading for the command center. One
comes on to Pez. He reaches for his mighty spatula and thwacks him with it)
1st Footman: DEAR GOD!! I'm being beaten to death with a kitchen utensil!!
Pez: Damn Straght!
(The second onslought comes on. Mikey throws an exploding hamster in the doorway. The footmen
start laughing like hell. The hamster then explodes and destroys every footman.)
Smoke: They're all dead. Now what will we do??
(46 bloodlusted ogres are suddenly displayed upon the screen.)
Pez: Run?
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Yes.
(All 10 of the CWALers jump out the window. The building then collapses. An ogre then rushes
everyone. Fron is the only one to react in time.)
Fron: Take THIS!!!! (A massive jolt comes out of the cattle prod.)
(The CWALers are now surrounded by the remaining 45 Bloodlusted ogres. To make matters worse
mutalisks start fling in.)
Smoke: We're $%#$ing dead!!
Purple Monkey Diahwasher: No were not! Look.!
(Many cows are seen jumping out of an airplane.)
Red Turtle Cook Order Chef: THE ATTACK COWS!!!!!!
(Prysm sees the danger of the ogres casting runes on the ground where the cows are landing)
Prysm: STAVESCARE!!! Fog'em!
Stavescare:Oh sure, get the energy mist to do the dirty work!
Pez: Shut up, and do it.
(The mist goes over and fogs the ogres. They can not cast runes anymore. Meanwhile the cows
land and take out their machine guns .)
Cow 1#: MOO!
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Turn on your translate-a-tron.
Cow 1#: Oh sorry, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO OUR HQ??????
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Oh...IT WAS THEM!(He shouts pointing to the ogres.)
Cow 1#: REALLY????? DIE!!!!! (The Cow blows the first one away with a mini-gun and misses the
second with his stun ray but hits Pez)
Stavescare:I HAVE A BODY AGAIN!!!!
Pez: AHHHH!!!! I'M MIST!!!!!!
(A second shot hits pez's body/stavescare and returns it to their
natural order.)
Stavescare:NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
(The cows are finishing off the rest of the ogres as CWAL finishes a cup of coffee the fight.)
Cow 1#: You didn't help us a goddamn BIT!!!!!
Protoss God: Well I felt I didn't need to use any plasma bolts.
Cow 2# PLASMA BOLT??? THOSE ARE FLASHLIGHTS!!!!
Protoss God: Thats what they LOOK like.
Cartman: If a cow ever said that to me I'd be like bitch I'm gonna turn you in to hamburger!
(Cow 1# uses the gift that the ailens gave them. Cartman starts danceing an singing with rosy
cheeks and huge eyes.)
Purple Monkey Dishwasher: I build your base back up. (groan)
Cow 1#: Good.
(The CWALers leave and go back to their base.)
The END
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Subject: more CWAL civil disobedience!
From: Gandhi
Mon Dec 15 18:28 PM
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Somewhere deep in the CWAL HQ lawn:
AntCWAL commando1: "Attack the AntBlizzard compound! we must retrieve AntStarcraft!"
AntPatN: "Die AntCWALers! AntBlizzard will never relinquish AntStarcraft!"
In a scene of utter AntDestruction, Ants armed with little AntAK-47s and AntReceptionists
attack eachother with a ferocity only available to those who can lift 100 times their own
weight. Suddenly, an AntCWALer breaks out of the melee and rushes for the AntBlizzard compound.
Inside, he finds AntStarcraft, grabs it and runs out of the compound.
AntCWALer: "Guys! I got it, I got..."
*SQUISH!*
Io: "Eeew, AntGuts"
hehe
This was written by:
Mystery CWAL dissident!
*or*
Gandhi!
I'm not really serious, just kidding around, those who were paying attentention to my previous
posts know who this is
(no, I'm not Pez)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message thread:
more CWAL civil disobedience! - Gandhi Mon Dec 15 18:28 PM
I don't know who wrote this but... - Pez(CWAL) Mon Dec 15 19:42 PM
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Subject: I don't know who wrote this but...
From: Pez(CWAL)
Mon Dec 15 19:42 PM
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COOL!! Well I think this quality work should be added to the chronicals(this ISN'T sarcasim)
because it totally fits CWAL's theme.(Stupidity rules!!) I don't know who you are, but if on
the 4th you want a CWAL job post! I hope you didn't use your real name, because Smoke listed
some really mean things he'd do to you
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Subject: Civil Disobedience(part 2)
From: Paranoid CWALer
Tue Dec 16 18:10 PM
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After reading Gandi's posts I decided to add the AntCWALers to my list of charactors.
[Inside CWAL HQ(on the floor)]
AntIo: Who's left?
AntPez: Just me, AntGhandi, and AntParanoid CWALer.
AntIo: Your Certain the AntStarcraft was destroyed.
AntPez: Yes. We need to contact the real CWALers.
[AntPez using the Ant-Techno-Van Builds a huge spotlight device. He shines it into Pez's eye]
Pez: Hey what's that. It's in moros code! They say they need help!
[Pez grabs his magnifine glass and looks and sees a minature techno-van. Using his grow ray he
enlarges the Techno-van to Human size]
AntPez: What about us!!!!
[Pez quickly steps on his ant likeness and jumps in the techno-van]
AntIo: No!! They just took the Ant-Techno-Van!!!
[Pez promtly runs over the rest of the AntCWALers takeing the new Techno-van out for a spin]
This concludes part two of Civil Disobedience.
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Subject: Due to wide spread acclame, Civ. Dis. #3(CWAL)
From: Paranoid CWALer
Wed Dec 17 14:30 PM
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[Inside CWAL HQ Pez and Io are reclineing...]
Pez: anything on the TV?
Io: No
Pez: Oh. Could you turn is on then.
Io: Don't have the clicker
Pez: That's ok, I got the spatula.
Io: That has a remote in it?
Pez: Nope.
Io: then we'll have to get up!
Pez: Wanna bet?
Io: Your on!
[Pez tosses the spatula at the fan, sending the fan blade soaring and crashing into Jolt
ripping him into many bite sized peices. The spatula flew off landing in a mixer where War2Guy
was attempting to mix a drink. It flies out knocking War2Guy out. It flies over and hits a
switch on the wall turning on the vacuum. The spatula lands on the side by some stray gun
powder]
Vacuume: Niiiiii.......
Ni: Don't say that infernal word!!!!
Vaccume: Niiiiii.......
Ni: No word hurts Ni! Ahhh Ni bad Ahhhh!!!
[Ni burts into flames igniteing the gunpowder and sending the spatula flying. It knocks Smoke
in the head where he is attempting to play Jinga with Prysm. This causes Smoke to send peices
flying all over the room and Prysm to win. The spatula lands on the table. This winning causes
Prysm to take a drink of pop, however by acident he picks up Smokes Pepsi instead of his
beverage...]
Prysm: AGHSH Beam me up scotty!!! GHDGSH What do you mean we're out of nachos!!! GHSJTKSJ Like
totaly and for sure!! DJJFJSJKKG
[He falls flat on the table fliping the spatula up and at Icegoat...]
Icegoat: Ohhh shiney!!
[It flys past icegoat hits Supernook's Spear that he was holding up demestrating to Disgruntal
Dan how to kill a poor defenceless seal. The Spatula bounced up and landed next to Paranoid
CWALer...]
Paranoid CWALer: A UFO!!! I better check to see if it's on the news.
[PAranoid CWALer runs to the TV and turns it on. Pez turns to Io...]
Pez: Told ya we didn't need to get up.
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Subject: Civil Dis. Side Story
From: Dark Chrono (CWAL)
Wed Dec 17 15:40 PM
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Every story has a side story, even civil disobediance! (It's one of newton's laws, look it up.)
___________________________________________________________
Legacy of the Fire Ants
___________________________________________________________
[AntIo, AntPez, AntGhandi, and AntParanoid are screaming at the real CWALers, especially pez.
They are all talking in high-pitched voices, due to the fact that all ant-sized creatures have
high-pitched voices. It's another one of newton's laws, one that deals with the adam's apple.
It's called the "Newton's Apple" law.]
AntPez : (Waving his 4 arms in the air)You bastards!!! You took my
AntTechno-Van!!!
AntIo : Calm down, AntPez. We'll just have to find another way to contact the CWALers
AntPez : <grumbling> They'd probably stick needles through our abdomens and stick us in a
collection.
AntParanoid : Yeah, we should never trust humans. They're really part of a conspiricy that's
keeping us from getting the antstarcraft
beta!
[Suddenly there is a rumbling,and the ground opens up before them. Up crawls a giant, black,
metallic-looking insect.]
AntGhandi : OH NO! It's the AntFlenser Mark IV! The AntBeetle!
AntPez : AntBeetle? Isn't that an oxymoron?
AntGhandi : It's not an oxy, it's a beetle! AND DON'T CALL ME A
MORON!
(Suddenly, another ant appears)
AntPez : AntJolt! You're alive! I thought you were squished by the human Jolt last week!
AntJolt : Of course not! I can't die, I'm invincible to anything except for giant robot beetles!
AntIo : Umm... Antjolt, look behind you.
AntJolt : (turning around) eep. (Hey, it's not you jolt, so you can't say anything. :P)
[AntJolt is instantly devoured by the Flenser Beetle. Still hungry, it approaches the rest of
the AntCWALers.]
AntParanoid : We're done for!
(Another ant jumps into the picture)
Everyant: AntNi!
AntNi : YOU SAID THE HATEFUL WORD!!! (He promptly blows up in a ball
of flame)
AntPez : Well that was short-lived.
AntGhandi : HEY! Is that supposed to be a "short" joke!?!?
AntPez : I'm just as small as you are, idiot!
AntGhandi : Ohhhh yeah.
(Suddenly, another ant jumps into the screen. However, this ant is differnt. This ant is
bigger, stronger, and a different color from the AntCWALers. It's shell is so hard, it's
almost like battle armor. The color is a very dark red. The red ant runs up to the beetle
and bites it at the base of the neck. It shrieks in pain and dives back into the hole it
came from.)
Everyant : WOW! Who are you!?!?
Red Ant : I am Dark Red Ant
AntIo : Well thanks, Dark Red Ant! You really saved our hides... err... exoskelatons!
What are you doing here?
Dark Red Ant : I saw you in trouble and decided to help.
AntPez : But aren't black and red ants sworn enemies?
Dark Red Ant : I think that we shouldn't hate each other just because of the color of our
exoskelatons! AntBlizzard is an enemy to everyant!
(Another red ant approaches and sees them converse.)
Other red ant : OH MY GOODNESS! You're talking with black ants! I will go back and tell the
queen, and you will be banished from the red ant hill for all eternity! Even though I'm your
brother, when I return I will hunt you down and kill you, Pooky! (He runs off)
AntGhandi : What was that all about? And why did he call you Pooky?
Dark Red Ant : Well, it all started long ago when I was born...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[He proceeds to tell the story of how he was bitten by a poisonous insect, turned a different
color, expelled from his anthill, and came here, also explaining that his real name is Pooky.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AntIo : Wow, that must suck.
Dark Red Ant : What? Being deformed? Being banished? Being hunted down by my own brother?
AntIo : No, having the name Pooky.
Dark Red Ant : Yeah, I'd rather you call me Dark Red Ant.
AntParanoid : Too long, how about DRA?
Dark Red Ant : Nah, not long enough. How about DRAgoon?
AntPez : Ok, Dragoon, nice to have you aboard!
Dragoon : Thanks! By the way, do you have any antcoffee?
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Subject: I know who you are... I know where you live..I know what you di
From: Smoke (CWAL)
Wed Dec 17 16:41 PM
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-------------------------------------
[Scene: a dark terminal in a dark room, A figure slumped in a command style chair. Suddenly
Smoke is startled away by something happening on the SC forum]
Smoke: "Niiiiiii!!!"
Ni: "AAAAAAARRRRRGGG!!" <BOOOOOOOOOOM>
Smoke: "Oh crap... ok.. umm... JOOOOOOOLT!!!!"
jolt enters the room
Jolt: "don't hurt me don't hurt me."
Smoke: "I'm not going to hurt you. I have a job for you. Someone has been writing stories
during the CWAL break!!!"
Jolt: "GASP!!"
Smoke: "I want you to go strap them to your back and cross heavy traffic to get me some milk
and cookies for santa"
Jolt: "That's it? Oh ok."
Jolt wanders off to drag someone to their doom.
Smoke: " (YaWN) Some people have no respect for a chronicler's holidays... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
-----------------------------------------------
The ant stuff is great guys.. I just had to write that. And yes I think I'm still getting it
all down. I'm just not searching as much as I did before.
HEY STAVESACRE!!!! Aren't you supposed to be running security for this bunch? KICK SOME!!
Smoke dozes off again to await the Beta signup
Smoke(CWAL)
<*^*>
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Subject: Oh yeah???
From: Dark Chrono (CWAL)
Wed Dec 17 17:47 PM
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[Dark Chrono rests on his bed after the long, hard battle. Suddenly, he feels something
squeezing him. Opening his eyes, he sees jolt tying his body up with rope.]
Dark Chrono : What the hell are you doing?
Jolt : Smoke told me to strap you on my back and then go get some milk.
Dark Chrono : That's punishment for writing a CWAL story! I didn't write a CWAL story!
Jolt : Yes you did! I saw it on the forum!
Dark Chrono : No you didn't. Hold on... (flexing his muscles, he easily breaks the cheap rope.
He then heads over to a computer nearby, and brings up the starcraft forum.)
Dark Chrono : Now, look. This isn't a CWAL story, this is an ANTCWAL story. It's a story
about ants.
Jolt : Yeah, but it's modeled after CWAL!
Dark Chrono : So? A lot of things were copied from other things, but it wasn't against the
rules! The telephone was copied from the telegraph, microsoft windows was copied from the
macintosh, and of course there are all those myst-clones, doom-clones, and RTSG-clones.
Jolt : Oh. I guess you're right.
Dark Chrono : And look at this story, it even has an antjolt in it.
Jolt : IT DOES!?!? Wow! *sniff* <I tear streaks down his cheek, and falls to the floor.
It falls on top of a bunch of bugs.>
AntPez : HEY!!! I hate these sudden rainstorms. Now I'm drenched!
AntIo : That wasn't a rainstorm, Pez, that was a tear.
AntPez : Darn it! Dragoon! Go bite whoever did that!
Dragoon : As you wish. <He climbs up jolt's leg and bites him in the knee.>
Jolt : YEEEEOUCH!!! Something bit me!!! Oh no... IT'S AN ANT BITE!!! I'M ALLERGIC TO ANT
BITES!!! AND RIGHT ON THE KNEE TOO!
Ni : (from the next room) EEP! You said the word! (He explodes)
(Jolt's leg swells up like a ballon, and then the swelling goes to his waist, his other leg,
his torso, his arms, and his head. Suddenly, he explodes in a slattering of blood and puss.
Cartman walks in.)
Cartman : Man! I'd never let an ant kick my ass! If he tried it, I'd say "HEY! Stop dressing
me up like a woman and then sending me out in front of a bunch of drunk guys holding a sign
that says 'I'm available' and then leaving me there without a ride home or anything!!!"
Dark Chrono : Cartman, what the HECK are you talking about!?!?
Cartman : Uhhh... I didn't say nothin, no, nothing at all.
(Suddenly, a small, high pitched voice comes from nowhere.)
Dragoon : (through a microphone and high-tek speakers) KIWI!
(Cartman turns into a watermelon)
Everyant : ALL RIGHT! Let's eat!
(The ants, plus a lot of other ants in the area crawl up to cartman the watermelon and begin
the feast...)
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Yeah!!!!
From: Stavesacre.
Wed Dec 17 18:32 PM
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Dark Chrono sits back in his room wiping up the last of the Jolt-Pus left over from the
explosion. Stavesacre floats in and seeing the flaming couch where Ni had been assumes the
worst. Someone had defied the rules, someone still refused to give the friggin Chronicaler a
well deserved break!
Dark Chrono: What do you want? I'm trying to get some rest in here!
Stavesacre.::::Ask me if I give a rip, do you realize what you've done! Now everyone will
write AntCWAL stories! Its too damn funny to just be left alone! Smoke will have no Peace!:::
DC: Tough luck for him eh? (settles back into bed) Now leave me
alone, Im worn out.
Stavesacre wishing he still had the telepathic powers to give DC a swift psychic punch in
the happy sac's, notices another group of beings on the floor. Floating down he finds a heated
argument.
AntIo: What the hell! I get one tear, then we're all covered in
PUS?!
AntPez: No kidding, hey look!(he points up) a big blue rain cloud!
Dragoon: What next! Is it going to rain insesticide?!
Stavesacre.::::No I am Stavesacre, a psychic being, you must be the Ant CWAL'ers?(they
all nod)Well, hey I need your help. See that big protoss over there? He needs a beating or a
lesson, or whichever comes first.:::
AntSmoke: Why should we help you? One of your friends just
exploded on us!
Stave.::::Well, hes making the human version of you work on the
holidays! (All the ants gasp):::
AntSmoke: Blasphamey! How can we help?
***A few minutes later***
Dark Chrono: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz *snirK?* OUCH! What the..OUCH! No STOP! OUCH!
AntJolt: Geee! This is fun! SMACK! Squelch!
Dragoon: HE KILLED ANTJOLT! BITE HIM IN THE KNEE!
AntNi: AUUUUUUGHHHHH! BOOOOM!
Dark Chrono: OUCCCCCCCHHHH! ONE THEM BASTARDS EXPLODED!
AntIo: Keep BITING!
***This continues until January 4th***
Stavesacre.
:::HOWS That for security?!:::
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: hehe, good thing this is a fake name
From: Gandhi
Wed Dec 17 18:46 PM
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I'm all of a sudden very glad I didn't use my real name. Now that my ants have been used by
other people, I'll have to come up with something equally silly. This might take awhile
Gandhi
My Care Bear's gonna kick your ass!
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Apprehend this felon....
From: Stavesacre.
Thu Dec 18 5:15 AM
------------------------------------------------------------
Floating mopily over a computer in his office, Stave notices something odd. He cheaks again.
Its true! He hurrys out into the kitchen looking for the culpret.
Stave::::Where are you Moogle! I know what you did!:::(He looks around the kitchen but only
sees a tape player with a message that keeps repeating, it sounds alot like a capacchino
machine going!) :::That bastard! hes gone! Ill find him though. You hear me Moogle! I know
that your the root of this problem! Its time to face the music!:::
He floats moodily out.
(FLush!)
Moogle comes out of the bathroom not hearing any of what Stavesacre just said. He shruggs and
starts up a tape and dance a few coffee beans into exsistance.
Stavesacre.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message thread:
Apprehend this felon.... - Stavesacre. Thu Dec 18 5:15 AM
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Subject: I hope you people learn your lesson...
From: Stavesacre.
Wed Dec 17 20:13 PM
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I hop you leared your lesson, give smoke a break, he might like it
and chronical this stuff anyway. So if you do this stuff again, I
might have to get the bunnys after your sorry cheatin' butt!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message thread:
I hope you people learn your lesson... - Stavesacre. Wed Dec 17 20:13 PM
Yeah what he said!!Wait a minute!! It's happening again! - Smoke (CWAL) Wed Dec 17 22:13 PM
Re: Yeah what he said!!Wait a minute!! It's happening again! - Tempus Thu Dec 18 5:11 AM
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Yeah what he said!!Wait a minute!! It's happening again!
From: Smoke (CWAL)
Wed Dec 17 22:13 PM
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WOW!!! cool
Welcome back Staves. You still key in an awesome bit o' writing.
And now The continuing NON adventures of the CWAL break.
[As Smoke dozes in his chair. He dreams. (who remembers the last time that happened? dangerous
;) ) ]
smoke (mumbling) "mmmmcwal...gsrbbb....must rest.. sudseebbeug ... PEZ!!!. ....abbbbububub"
[fade to dream sequence]
Pez is standing in front of a mirror practicing brain surgery on himself with the spatula
Io: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!"
Pez: " I don't know... I just felt It was something I had to do. Somehow the Paranoid CWALer
inside me has been loosed on the forum.
Io: "SOMEBODY STOP HIM!! If he puts his brain into one of those ants we'll never get a human
sized weapon out of him again!!
Smoke: "where'd we get ants anyways?
Paranoid CWALer: "They just showed up. I don't know."
Smoke: "It's fricken December!! The ground's too cold!"
Paranoid CWALer: "Maybe They came up from Brazil!"
Smoke: "But american ants are Non-Migratory"
Paranoid: "Army ants are!"
Smoke: "Well yes army ants. Just not american ants I mean."
Supernook: "I don't think his brain would fit into an ant."
Pez: "No I think I could get it to fit into an ant body."
Supernook: "The ant couldn't support your silicon brain!"
Pez: "He could grip it by the brain stem."
Kungfucious: "It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple matter of weight ratio's.
A feather weight ant cannot carry a 5 lb brain"
Pez: " Well what about two ant's then?"
Supernook: "What carry it between them?"
Paranoid: "They could string it on a line?"
Supernook: "A line!!?"
Just then a zerg Nydus canal pops up in the middle of HQ, (Hmmm I never noticed all this creep
here when we rebuilt Starbucks) Ultralisk's, Hydralisks and zerglings come screeming out of
the ground. Anihilating every living thing in sight.. Naturally Jolt, Ni, and Cartman were the
first things in sight!!
Jolt: "not eep! not eep!" (soo sorry jolt but a.- its christmas and b.- it's a dream. )
Ni: "Don't hurt Niiiiii!!" (Explodes taking an Ultralisk and a swarm of zerglings with him,
Green and red zerg kibbles everywhere. <note the christmas theme> )
Cartman: "Hey you scaley puke , Get your zerg butt back in that nydus ho..<SSSSSSKKKKKKKK>"
(needs no explanation)
But the zerg keep coming and hours later only a few human Figures emerge from the smoking,
newly infested HQ.
Infested Iolaus: "Hey let's all go home and not buy SC"
Infested Supernook: "Yeah that's a great Idea!!"
They both explode on contact with the CWAL bus.
And with those imortal words from the founders CWAL was disbanded.
[flash out of dream scene]
And once again Smoke awakes screaming from the nightmare.
Smoke: "CRIPES I gotta stop eating hot-wings and falling asleep in this chair."
----------------------------------end
Hope you liked it. I hadn't seen a good Python rip for a while sooo...
Smoke (CWAL forever)
<*^*> "Second hand Smoke is just as deadly"
"bite him in the knee!! (a distant high pitched sqeak is heard
followed by a popping sound)
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Yeah what he said!!Wait a minute!! It's happening again!
From: Tempus
Thu Dec 18 5:11 AM
------------------------------------------------------------
Damn! I go away for a minute, expecting no CWAL posts, and what happens? Oh well...that's
cool, though... I was wondering what I was gonna do for amusement on this forum till the 4th...
later,
Tempus (one of those unfortunates with no break!!)
---------------
antIo : haha.. Once again, I am about to beat you in antTetris,
antTempus! (looks around in confusion as the antComputer flashes and shuts down) What the-
antTempus : You should know better than to take on a member of the tech division on his home
turf... (as his eyes momentarily glow blue....)
----------------
just a short, pointless diversion....
Dammit! Stop biting me!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Civil Disobediance (CWAL off days)
From: Phex Aramond
Thu Dec 18 15:28 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
Mouse : WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T JOIN!?!?
[The AntCWAL HQ (a hole in the CWAL headquarters) is bustling with activity. There are various
ants, bugs, and other small creatures all over the place, crawling up to a desk at which sits
a very frustrated AntIo.]
AntIo : Look, we have recruits coming from all over the place. We can't just admit every
single one. You have to have a special ability to get in.
Mouse : I do! Ok, my name is Mousey Weitz, and I throw exploding fleas!
AntIo : Yeah, sure. I'll believe that when I see it.
Mouse : Watch! (He reaches into his fur, brings out a flea, and throws it into the crowd.
It explodes and sends half of the waiting recruits flying.)
AntIo : WOW! You got rid of most of those recruits! Next time, try to only kill jolt though.
(AntPez, AntGhandi, AntParanoid, and Dragoon enter the room)
AntPez - Hey, AntIo, what's going on!?!
AntIo - Aw, it was just one of our new recruits blowing up the rest of the recruits.
Dragoon - So who's left?
AntIo - Let's see... we have Mousy Weitz, Anty (as opposed to Ducky), Iceant, Lothos the
abominable grasshopper, War2Bug, Gnat (Grey), ButterFron, Beetle God (a fly in a cardboard
exoskelaton), Smokey the Stinkbug, Starfly (Starpimp), AntHey, Shadoe the wonder fly,
Staveslug, Tempy the firefly, Anturus, Mr. Bug, Beetlebrox, Maggott (hey, his name didn't
change), Pryslug, Talbug, Grasshoppx (Grorx), Jestbug, and Mousle (Moogle).
AntParanoid - That's quite a cast list! Why, I bet Smokey will have to make a cast list!
Smokey - Me? Why me?
AntParanoid - To make your human counterpart really mad.
Smokey - Cool!
______________________________________________________________
hehehehehehehehehehehe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message thread:
Civil Disobediance (CWAL off days) - Phex Aramond Thu Dec 18 15:28 PM
Ummmm, You are going to get a manbeating for this. - Staveslug(Stavesacre Thu Dec 18 15:53 PM
heheheh - Smoke Thu Dec 18 16:10 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Ummmm, You are going to get a manbeating for this.
From: Staveslug(Stavesacre
Thu Dec 18 15:53 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
Staveslug sludges his way through a portal made by his extreamly slow psychic slug powers.
He looks up to see the sun shining through Phex's window, and Phex himself sleeping quietly on
the sofa. Sighing he begins to cross the floor.
Looking up he see's the sun is down but he is ontop of Phex's face.
Staveslug: Hey! (this is reallllly high pitched) Hey you!
Phex: Whu? Huh?
Staveslug: You are hearby under arrest by the code of 3367 of precinct 99 due to master
chronicaller Smokey, who comma..(looks up to see Phex yawn and reach for a salt shaker)
What are you doing?
Phex: I hate slugs, I hate slugs, I HATE SLUGS! (Starts shaking the shaker over Stave)
Staveslug: Aaaaaaaaagggghhh! NOOOOOO! (insert sound of giant fart)
Phex: (Looks at all the slug guts on his face) Aaaaaaaagh!
GROSSSSS!
Phex gets up and blinded by the salt and slug spray trips on his chair and falls headlong out
of the window. Into a trash dumpster.
***Later Phex wakes up to find himself compleately naked and an old man licking his foot***
Stavesacre.
:::I get rid of writers to fast. I need to cut down. BUT I WAS FRIGGIN PISSED ABOUT BEING A
SLUG!:::
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: heheheh
From: Smoke
Thu Dec 18 16:10 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
On Thu Dec 18 15:53 PM, Staveslug(Stavesacre wrote:
> Stavesacre.
> :::I get rid of writers to fast. I need to cut down. BUT I WAS
> FRIGGIN PISSED ABOUT BEING A SLUG!:::
SO YOUR A SLUG... I"M A STINKBUG!!!!.
Smoke awakes again in his command chair to find himself surrounded by insect CWALers... He
doesn't notice.
"Ahhh I need some coke" He gives his chair a push and it starts rolling towards the small
fridge in the corner.
Smokey the stinkbug looks up to see a giant caster wheel bearing down on him. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!"
He throws AntJolt into the path of the chair. <sput> no good. "help !! help!! I must write a
antcast list!!" He tosses antpez (BAd PEZ bad :) ) behind him hoping to deflect the deadly
metal sphere.
Ant Pez braces himself with his toothpick held high "COme on!!!! I FEAR NO MECHANICAL
DEVi<kchink>" he dies a gory death.
"no no I didn't mean to cause trouble!!" The chair stops rolling.
Smoke: "what was that?" looking around he sees no one. As he reaches for a coke he spots smokey.
"YUK!!! A STINKBUG!!" He raises a giant cloaked foot.
Smokey:
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo...." <Cuush>
Hey this is kinda fun. uh... what's that smell?
Smoke (CWAL)
<*^*> "Second hand Smoke stinks apparently"
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Civil Disobedence(AntCWAL)
From: Paranoid CWALer
Thu Dec 18 16:14 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
From now on tons of ants should be killed every episode.
[Inside CWAL HQ...]
Io: Pez, were getting quite a pest problem. There are tons of ants and a few various rodents
and bugs all over the place.
Pez: What! I like those little guys. All we need to do is make them worship us like gods.
Io: THEY ARE ANTS!!!!!
[Inside Pez's Brain...]
AntPez: Ha! I have complete control.
AntIo: Well for once I've got to hand it to you...
[Back outside...]
Pez: Ha Ha HA Ha HA!!! Did you belive that? Sure I'll destroy those little bugs. Always hated
them!
[Inside the head...]
AntIo: Complete control eh? We gotta get out and stop the CWALers from destroying AntCWAL!!!
[The two crawl down to the AntCWAL HQ...]
AntIo: Anyone here want to help us stop Pez from exterminating us?
Smokey: Well, I would help you but thanks to AntPez, I'm too busy chronicaling VirusCWAL
during the break!!!!
AntPez: Well, I'm sorry! I didn't create the viruses, AntGhandi did.
AntMoogle: That ass hole? I hate him.
AntGhandi: Wanna go? I can take you anyday!!
[Smush...]
Pez: eww I got two ants on my shoe. I got the spraying device setup. They'll be exterminated
in a matter of seconds!
[Pez starts spraying the AntCWAL Hq(Which is a unoccupied Roach Hotel.) When AntPez runs and
puts his spatula in the nosel plugging it.]
AntPez: that should plug it.
AntIo: I wonder what is gonna happen when that poison is under all that pressure...
[The gas chamber explodes sending Pez threw the roof. Luckily, the hard cement cusioned his
fall...]
Pez: ughhh...
Io: Maybe we should have had Jolt do it. He seems to get in less acidents.
[Inside CWAL HQ...]
Jolt: Hey whats that sound?
[A comet comes flying from orbit and hits him in the knee..]
Jolt: MY KNEE!!
Ni: No that infernal word!!! Ni hurts
[Meanwhile on the ground...]
AntNi: No Ni said AntNi's least favorite word!!
[Ni and AntNi burst into flames and the flames kill AntJolt and Jolt.]
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Civil Disobediance (CWAL)
From: Phex Aramond
Thu Dec 18 18:03 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
(Staveslug walks back triumphantly from Phex's house. Suddenly, something catches his eye.
In front of him stands a building lit up with neon lights. To his surprize, the building is
designed for bugs. The signs say "The Bug Spa. Slugs get in free!")
Staveslug - WOW! What a deal! (He rushes in, as fast as a slug can rush. Noone else is
there, for some reason. He dips himself into the hot water and sighs in comfort)
Staveslug - Ahhhhh... wait a sec... this water feels funny.. it seems a bit *too* hot...
"That's not the heat!"
(Suddenly the roof lifts up and a head appears where it used to be. It's Phex!)
Phex Aramond - Hope you like your bath. Did I mention it was SALTwater?
Staveslug - saltwater...? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOUCH!!!! (He tries to get out, but since he has
no arms, this is impossible.) OWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
(Phex walks away laughing)
[Back at CWAL/AntCWAL headquarters]
(Pez rushes in)
Pez - CHRIS FARLY IS DEAD!!!
(Everybody in the room bursts into tears. They all rush to put on black clothing. Jolt has
some trouble, however, his trowsers getting stuck on his knee)
Ni - ACK! THE NARRATOR SAID THE WORD! (He explodes)
(Jolt, meanwhile, is still trying to get his pants on, hopping up and down on one leg. He
hops straight out the window, and lands in a car being towed by a tow truck.
The car detatches, and begins rolling backwards down a hill. It rolls into an airport,
and runs into a truck carrying suitcases. The crash throws Jolt into a suitcase on the
truck, which closes. The baggage is loaded into a plane which flies west over the pacific
ocean. Unfortunately, it runs into some turbulance and the back hatch opens, releaseing
the luggage. The suitcase Jolt is in falls into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and floats
along. After 2 days it washes up on a desert Isle. Jolt finally comes out of the suitcase,
only to find he is surrounded by the natives of the island. Being cannibals, he is put into
a pot to be cooked alive. However, a sudden tidal wave washes over the island, and Jolt is
saved. He wakes up inside a cave with a bear. Running away, he narrowly escapes being eaten.
He goes on the beach and writes out letters on the sand that say "HELP" so any passing planes
will see him. Unfortunately, a UFO sees him instead, and beams him up onto their ship. They
give him an anal probe, and then put him back in the middle of Alabama, confusing him with all
the other rednecks on their ship. He is teleported into the middle of the road, right in
front of an oncoming truck. The truck narrowly stops, and Jolt finds the truck driver is
going to Irvine, California. He hitches a ride on the truck and goes back to Irvine.
He enters the HQ, and decides to get some rest. He lays down on the couch and watching
TV, munching on potato chips. one of them goes down the wrong pipe, and he chokes and dies.)
AntJolt : DARN IT! I'll never live up to that! (Takes out a gun, points it to his head, and
shoots himself)
AntPez : That death scene was neat!
AntNi : AHHH! YOU SAID THE WORD AND THEN ADDED A "T" TO THE END!!! (He explodes)
Cricketman : Man, I would never let death kick my ass. I'd say "Hey! Go kill Kenny or
something! You forgot to in the christmas episode!"
Grasshoppx : Hey Cricketman, want come cheezy puffs?
Cricketman : Yeah, Cheezy puffs kick ass.
Grasshoppx : How about an orange?
(Cricketman, being small, turns into a grape. Cartman walks by)
Cartman : Hey! Look at what's on the ground! (He picks up the grape and eats it) Grapes kick
ass. (He turns into a plum)
AntIo : All right! Lunch!
(The AntCWAL team goes over and eats the former Cartman, as the Regular CWALers look at their
watches to see how much longer it will be to January 4th...)
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: More civel disobedience!
From: Shadoe (AntCWAL)
Thu Dec 18 18:25 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
AntIo: We have to kill Pez before he kills us!
[Superman music plays]
Shadoe the wonder fly: I will stop that evil fiend!
(Flys full speed towards Pez at full speed)
STWF: DIE YOU PAKMAN REJECT!
(Hits Pez)
Pez: OW! Damn flys!
(Grabs a can of raid and chases STWF around)
STWF: (Think of the fly movie) *High pitched voice* "Help me, help me!"
Pez: Hahaha! You bugs will die too!
hahaha, thought I would do a little skit
Shadow
"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? NOT ME THATS A DIFFERENT SHADOW!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Now its on buddy....
From: Stavesacre.
Thu Dec 18 20:53 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
Opening scene Phex Aramond is just through washing out his tupper-ware dish he fried Staveslug
in. And he finishes up posting the story about it. He goes back to his couch and falls asleep.
Being asleep he misses the bright blue flash resulting from Stavesacre's Portal. Pez, Io,
Supernook, Ducky, Lothos, Jolt, and Ni step out after Stave.
Io: Ok, Toilet paper ready? ( the rest of the team nods except Stave he pulses agreement)
Ducky: Explain to me, why are we doing this?
Stavesacre: Ummmm, we were bored? And ummmmm, this guy killed my slug counter part.
Pez: Oh, sure. Thats reasonable. (He goes over to the front door carrying a box of eggs)
Toilet paper rolls fly through the air painting Phex's yard a bright quilted pink. Eggs fly,
and forks are strategically placed. Soon the yard looks like a bunch of 12 year old girls had
exploded leaving nothing behind but the stuffing of their bra's. Jolt walked over to the front
door and was applying some finishing touches with shaving cream.
Jolt: Hey whats this thing? (he picks up a wire, which turns on Phex's computer)
Phex's CPU: Lock on Target, Detonate.
Jolt looks up from his new found descovery to see the tiles on the side of the house slide
away, and him left staring into the barrel of a gatling potato gun.
Jolt: Awwwwww, CRAP.
The rest of the team looks up to see Jolt bite it in a very spudzy way. And quickly are
bombarded by flying tubers.
Lothos: AHHHHHHH!!! MY FRIGGIN KNEE! (falls down gripping his knee)
Ni: No Ni doesnt like that word! (He flinches, waits, nothing happens) That funny, Ni
should be dead by now. (He looks around to see the team scatter through the portal and out
of sight) Odd.
Phex's CPU: Detonate.
KABOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! the deafining roar throws a large potato at Ni.
Ni: OWWWWW! Ni's knee! Hurt! Ouch! Ohhhhhh! He catches fire and vanishes in a puff of Smoke.
Smoke: Wonder how I got put in the story? (Looks to see a potato gun pointed at him) Oh crap!
Stavesacre.
:::I must be really bored.:::
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message thread:
Now its on buddy.... - Stavesacre. Thu Dec 18 20:53 PM
Re: Now its on buddy.... - Prysym(CWAL)(UFSG) Fri Dec 19 0:27 AM
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Now its on buddy....
From: Prysym(CWAL)(UFSG)
Fri Dec 19 0:27 AM
------------------------------------------------------------
Suddenly out of nowhere (it must have been nowhere 'cause he seems to have vanished of the
face of CWAL) Prysym jumps through a very nice shrubbery completely enveloped in his green
blankie. Evidence of jello, human toenails, and nuclear fallout are strewn all over him. In
the middle of his forhead the imprint of a Kenworth logo is clearly visable. (don't ask!)
As he runs in front of Smoke he catches a fold of his quilt on the cannon pulling it loose
from the wall. While this may have temporarily saved Smoke from an untimely and starchy
demise, the act of removing the gun in such a violent manner (everyone knows that the MARK
CCMI SPUD-2301C!A-BHLFG potato launcher must be handled with EXTREME respect to what it can
do to a man) causes the trigger to become jammed.
Instantly Prysym becomes a whirling green eye of potatoage and desruction. The recoil of the
cannon is slamming like a jackhammer into his body, driving him around the yard leaving a path
of destruction in his wake.
CWALers everywhere dive for cover behind boxes, buildings and Jolt,
(hey how'd he get here so fast?)
everything within a 200 yard radius is rapidly being texture coated
Meanwhile on a highway not far from the scene:
Little Jimmy and his family were leaving for the holidays, they had been planning the trip for
weeks and were looking forward to seeing their distant relatives.
As Jimmy reached over to his Coke bottle full of Apple juice, he felt a small tremmor and
coeccentric ripples appeared in the liquid. Looking out his window a magnificant panorama of
what appeared to be the equivalent of 300 blizzards packed into one city block was layed out
before him
Jimmy: daddy....
Suddenly the entire side of the car was blanketed in mash obscuring vision into the next lane.
Jimmy's dad panicked sending the car into the side of a Semi-trailer next to them. The
collision spun the car around and sent it sailing,almost peacefully, off the overpass into
the side of a caulking factory.
meanwhile the vegtable frenzy continues in an everwidening path of destruction.
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Civil Disobediance, not really funny, but let's me keep writing
From: Moogle
Thu Dec 18 21:03 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
Moogle sits in the back room of the CWAL HQ, plotting Gandhi's next civil disobediance story.
Moogle: "Hehe, this is so damn funny."
He doesn't notice Stave coming in through the door with Smoke and Io.
Stave: "Hello Moogle."
Moogle: "Oh, hi guys, umm, you want some coffee?"
Smoke: "sure, don't mind if I do."
Io smacks him as he reaches for the coffee
Stave: "We came to discuss a certain problem we're having, with a few dissidents violating the
non-writing edict."
Moogle: "Oh, yeah, I heard about that, horrible, I hope whoever is writing it is caught soon."
Stave: "Well, we think it's a group of people, but it's about to be one less."
Moogle: "Umm, oh crap."
he jumps out the window into the dark back alley where a gang war is occuring. (hehe, yes, in
Irvine, I know I'm streatching it a bit here. :)
Stave: "After him!"
Io and Smoke, being too large to fit through the window, run around to the front door and run
to back alley)
Io: "Damn, what the hell are all these people doing back here? And why do they all have guns?"
Smoke: "Umm, I dunno, you know, Moogle?"
Moogle: "Nope, bye."
The gang members are transfixed by the three seemingly insane people standing in their alley,
and stop firing for a moment. Moogle runs like hell for the end of the alley, Smoke and Io
soon follow
Gang member: "Umm, what the hell was that?"
Another Gang Member: "I dunno, let's start shooting each other again!"
Yet Another Gang Member: "I don't feel like shooting at eachother anymore. Let's all shoot at
the people in this building!"
Gang Member: "Cool!"
Suddenly, the added weight of all those ants (Which seem to never DIE!) causes the ground
beneath them to collapse, killing the gang members and... THE ANTS! THEIR DEAD! AGAIN!
Magically, the Starbucks isn't harmed at all, how fortuitous.
Meanwhile, Smoke and Io continue to chase Moogle down the road
Smoke: "Stop! You must be punished! Give it up! We know you're Gandhi!"
Io: "You can't escape!"
Moogle: "Umm, guys, hold up a moment."
Io: "Uhh, ok, why?"
Moogle: "Well, I didn't really write about CWAL, now did I?"
Smoke: "You included Io in one of your stories, and you inspired all those ant stories!"
Moogle: "Yes, but I never knew they would become so popular, and Io should be happy for the
lines, he never gets any."
Io: "It was only one line, and a small one at that."
Moogle: "That's not the point, the fact that I exposed a growing ant problem in our yard is!"
Smoke: "He's right you know."
Io: "Yeah, he is, let's go back and tell Stave to lighten up. I am the leader after all."
Smoke: "And I'm the guy who imposed the break, so we should have athority!"
Io: "Yeah!"
They all go back to the Starbucks and explain it to Stave. He isn't amused, or convinced
Stave: "All right! Landmime Targeting for all of you!"
Smoke: "Wait! Take Jolt, it'd be funnier!"
Stave: "Oh, ok"
Later:
Jolt: "ahh, noo!"
*KABOOM*
Smoke: "Well, I think the mimes are working."
Ok, sorry, this wasn't funny, but I had to do something about the fact that everyone knew who
I was, so I wrote this, I'll do something funny later tonight, tah tah
Moogle
Gandhi says: "Care Bears survive mostly on apples, dirt, and big harry bugs!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Civil Disobediance, the funny bit (I think)
From: Moogle (DCWAL)
Thu Dec 18 22:32 PM
------------------------------------------------------------
DCWAL = Dissident Can't Wait Any Longer
Ok, this is the supposedly funny stuff I was going to write
Morning at CWAL HQ:
Io: *yawn* "wonder what Moogle's making for breakfast"
Pez: "Hmm, I hope it's pancakes. I like pancakes, they're yummy."
Io: "Not as good as waffles though, they're even more yummy."
Pez: "True, and one can't overlook eggs."
Io: "Overlook 'em? No way, I love them from my head down to my legs!"
Pez: "And to compliment them, America's new white meat!"
Io: "Ham!"
Smoke (Walking in from, uhh, where he sleeps) : "Unless you're Jewish."
Tempus: "Jewish people don't eat ham. I learned that on the Christmas special of South Park."
Io: "So, breakfast will be waffles, eggs, and coffee. How should the eggs be cooked?"
Tempus: "Scrambled!"
Gray: "I always thought scrambled eggs looked like the disected brain of a druggie cow.
Either that or brains in curry powder."
Io: "Ok, fried?"
Pez: "Too much fat, fat's bad."
Io: "Yeah, not yummy like waffles."
Gray: "I was always partial to soft boiled eggs."
Smoke: "Too mushy"
Tempus: "Hard boiled then."
Io: "Not mushy enough."
Pez: "Well then what?"
Moogle (walking out of the kitchen) : "Breakfast's on. Lucky Charms in coffee, enjoy."
Gray: "And here we were going to eat something silly like eggs."
they eat their breakfast, then wait for everyone else to get up
Jolt: "Has anyone seen my pants?"
Pez: "Nope, no pants here."
Paranoid CWALer: "I think there's an alien probe in my coffee."
Smoke: "Hand it here, let me have a look at it. Hmm, hey Talruum, I found that memory chip
you were missing. Here, just let me install that for you..."
He inserts the chip in Talruum's mother board
Talruum: "So would you like some haggis for lunch, or a selection of escargo?"
Smoke: "Umm, neither."
Talruum: "Well, I have a wide variety of Pixi Sticks."
Smoke: "That's better."
Talruum: "Frog, acorn, sulferic acid, eye of newt, pond sludge, dirty underwear, grier cheese,
asparagus..."
Smoke reaches in and pulls the memory chip
Taruum: "Aww, why'd you do that?"
Smoke: "Eye of Newt Pixi Sticks."
Talruum: "Sounds horrible."
Smoke chucks the chip away, it slides under the table
Io: "Hey, I won't have you messing up my Starbucks like that! Get underNIth the table and pick
it up!"
An explosion is heard from the next room
Jolt: "Has anyone seen my pants? They were here a moment ago!"
Dark Protoss: "I think they're in there" (pointing to room Ni so recently graced with his
demise)
Jolt: "Thanks."
Tempus: "Have I ever told you that Protoss look like Andy Roony after a plastic surgery mishap
in the morning?"
Dark Protoss: "No."
Tempus: "Well, they do, right guys?"
Pez: "I dunno, maybe more like, umm, whatsisface, that guy on NYPD blue"
Smoke: "Jimmy Smitts" (note from lawyers: Please don't sue us)
Pez: "Oh yeah."
Gray: "Jolt, why are your pants on fire?"
Jolt: "AHH! They are? Holy S! they are! Quick, Talruum, give me something to put it out!"
Talruum dispenses something Jolt takes no time to look at before he pours it on his legs
Jolt: "Ahh, My legs are dissolving, what is this stuff?"
Talruum: "Just a Pixi Stick"
Jolt: "To put out a fire, are you insane?"
Talruum: "I think there was some bad acid in that chip."
Jolt: "Well now there's bad acid on my legs! Help!"
Tempus and Smoke grab him throw him in the shower and turn it on all the way.
Jolt: "Ahh, much better."
Dripping wet, he steps out of the shower, onto a frayed electrical cord and dies as 120 volts
go through his body.
Io: "Well, that was fun, so what are we gonna do today?"
The End
There, was that funny? I'm too tired to tell.
Sorry about that Smoke, I wasn't here when everyone else was saying stuff about quitting,
I only saw your post
Moogle the evil one who writes stuff
Gandhi has been taken away to the Care Bear Assylum, we won't be hearing much from him for
awhile
------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: The great TP war.
From: Stavesacre.
Fri Dec 19 5:11 AM
------------------------------------------------------------
Io, Pez, Supernook, Stavesacre, Ducky, Lothos, and Smoke come rushing through the Blue portal
made by Stavesacre's powers. Everyone lays on the floor gasping for breath.
Io: WHew that was a close call.
Pez: Yeah we just made it out of there without having our cloth's extra starchy. (Looks up
at the ceiling) Umm, when did we decorate the HQ with toilet paper?
Supernook: WHat the hell is this!? (gets up and a scene of mass destruction greets him)
Stavesacre and the rest of the crew get up and look around the devastated HQ. Banners of
toilet paper with pretty blue print flows from the ceilings, shaving cream is smeared
liberally everywhere. And some one had broken ALOT of forks trying to stick them n the tile
floor.
Stavesacre::::Who did this!:::
Io: COuldn't have been Phex. We were just at his house.
Smoke looks up at the sound of squealing tires and everyone rushes outside to see a red
cadillac fly around the corner. Smoke looks at it dumbly as the windows roll down and a barrel
emerges.
Smoke:GET DOWN! (and ducks as the first volley of potatos fly over his head and strait at
Jolt)
Jolt: Aaaaaaaugh! (he jumps into Ni's arms) NI SAVE ME!
Ni: OUCH! and explodes taking Jolt with him in a ball of flame.
Io: Those, those.. Bastards! Who were they!
Stavesacre::::I dont know, but I'll find out. Soon.:::
Stavesacre.
:::last day of school for me folks, THEN ITS BETA BREAK:::
Index