-=This story brought to you in emotivision.=-

[Scene: Blackvoid, sector 5.]

(A squadron of Dark Star Alliance soldiers was on patrol in the fifth sector of the immense space station.)

(Two soldiers, near the end of their watch, were walking down a bleak corridor when they heard a bursting sound, followed closely by another sound- suction.)

Vicks: Could be a hull breach =/

Wedge: Let's check on it '-'

(Vicks and Wedge crept closer to the disturbance when they heard footfalls.)

(Nodding to each other, they each silently drew their guns.)

Vicks: Now! }:)

(Both men flipped about the corner, drawing their guns and ready to fire on any who would dare intrude on the DSA.)

Wedge: Empty :-(

(No breach adorned the outer hull of the Blackvoid, no spies graced the room.)

Vicks: Must've been a rat... =/

(In reply, Wedge crumpled to the ground, a hand-sized scythe protruding from the base of his neck.)

(Vicks tried to shout for reinforcements, but found that only blood came from his mouth.)

[Scene: Irvine, 4th street.]

(The city of Irvine had been all but abandoned, as the populace had either fled or was preparing to do so.)

(In the whole of Irvine, only one person could be seen, a blight on the road he walked down.)

Senthin: It is good to be back here... perhaps I can find some spirit-energies }:(

(Senthin walked down 4th street, but found none of the normal Irvinian citizenry about.)

(Happning upon an apartment block, Senthin broke in to the building.)

(The fiend sliced through deadbolts like air particles, but was to find the apartments either cleared out or deserted.)

Senthin: Where are they? I need energy! }:(

(Senthin smashed a few objects and content with this, he left the building for thieves and other scum.)

Master Tuff: Halt evildoer! ~:-\

(The schitzophrenic jedi was holding his lightsabre to Senthin's throat.)

(With fluid motion, Senthin slashed a hand-scythe across Master Tuff's midsection while drawing his own blade.)

Darth Ninny: Ouchies ~:-/

[Scene: Blackvoid.]

(The bodies of Vicks and Wedge had been recovered, and a short ceremony for the soldiers had been held.)

(Later that day, the commander of the dead soldiers' squadron was called before Zenogias.)

Zenogias: What have you found out about the two dead soldiers, could we have a traitor in our midst? [:(]

Commander: Well, sir, the wounds are not the likes of which I've ever seen. Our surveilance tapes show nothing but gray. Sir, whatever did this... (|:{)

Zenogias: Spit it out! [:{]

Commander: Whatever did this managed to kill two highly trained soldiers, without a fight, in under two seconds. (|:{)

Zenogias: What is your point? [:(]

Commander: Well, if we had whoever... or whatever did this in the DSA, we probably wouldn't be hiding in the Blackvoid. Earth would be ours. (|:{)

Zenogias: Truly? Ah... this could be good for the Dark Star Alliance. Commander, step up the investigation. I want whoever this is on our side... now! [:{]

(Saluting to the mechanical Zenogias, the Commancer opened the door and exited the main room of the Blackvoid command deck.)

Zenogias: Let us hope he is not on the side of good. [:(]

[Scene: Irvine, 4th street.]

(Master Tuff jabbed at Senthin, who eluded the jedi's light sabre with practiced ease.)

Senthin: Is that all you can do, human? }:(

(Strangely, the warrior drew a waffle for a millisecond, but seemed to revoke himself and returned the food item.)

(Master Tuff waved his hands and a bright light blurred Senthin's vision.)

Master Tuff: Not so strong now, are you? ~=\

(During his tyrade, the jedi/sith lord was interupted as a stabbing pain inflicted his knee.)

Master Tuff: Impossible... ~=(

(The jedi fell to hte pavement, one of Senthin's hand-scythes jutting from his knee.)

(Senthin walked to his vanquished foe and removed his weapon from the body.)

Master Tuff: Ugh... ~=(

(The man was still alive, but just barely.)

(As Senthin re-sheathed his weapo9ns, a voice piped up.)

Paradox: Hey, you there! (]:D

(Paradox rushed to his fallen comrade, who lay alone on the street.)

[Scene: Blackvoid.]

(Senthin materialized within a dark alcove of the space station.)

(He disposed of a single guard posted in the area and began to traverse the halls of Blackvoid.)

(The fiend was disapointed at the lack of soldiers, but was still hoping for some heroes when he came upon a room.)

(Inside the chamber stood Zenogias, bereft of any guards.)

Senthin: Another who wishes to be a hero? Well, you shall be granted a hero's death. }:(

Zenogias: Wait! I have a proposition for you... what is your name? [:(]

(Senthin gleamed with near-laughter, his dark eyes lit up.)

Senthin: You can vall me Voice. }:(

Zenogias: Well... Voice, the Dark Star Alliance can provide all of your needs, on the sole condition that you serve us. [:(]

(Senthin pondered his situation.)

(The DSA would unwittingly provide him with spirit-energies in exchange for... killing, and therefor gaining more spirit-energies.)

Senthin: Agreed }:(

[Scene: CWAL Headquarters.]

(Paradox, with the help of a few duct tape mummies, had carried the comotose Master Tuff all the way back to Starbucks, which was on 36th street.)

Paradox: You need to lay off on the waffles, Ninny. (]:D

(The mushroom finally plopped the Sith lord, who was now in his Darth Ninny personna, into the infirmary.)

(Mu frowned as he looked over the wounds, which were quickly detereorating.)

Mu: These abrasions seem to be physical anomilies in the spectrum of this homo-sapien's apendages. One of many probably solutions to the query at hand would most probably be solved to excramation of said body parts before a radical heat source. "-"

(Paradox blinked in confusion.)

Lothos: Fire, and lots of it. +:)

Paradox: That's your cure for everything! (]:D

Mu: While it is yet unproven that heated excramentation may or may not be the aformentioned antidote to various diseases and maladies, it sure is fun. "-"

Paradox: Any other suggestions? (]:D

Mu: It is also seen that a mixture of galic and holy water would do the trick. "-"

Paradox: Right-o! (]:D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``~~~~~~~~~~

What happened:
-Senthin joined with the DSA in exchange for more spirits, of both good and evil.
-Master Tuff/Darth Ninny are now in intensive care for a day or two
-If this story sucked, blame Z. He was the one who told me to make a story with Senthin more than 4 lines long.

Fleh.

-Montreal, Canada-

Fenrir rises on the little hill, and exclaims.

Fenrir: GO MY ARMY OF MAN EATING BRUSSEL SPROUTS! Kill! Kiil!

swarms upon swarms of 1.2-meter tall brussel sprouts begin immobilizing themselves in all directions, evily smiling, their long and sharp claws extended upon their bony arms.

Fron: Oh crap.

-What just happened-

Nothing much.....

also known as the Story That Couldn't

(Scene- A dusty road somewhere in Ohio. No cars drive past and no one walks by. The sun slowly sets and the dust sort of moves around a little.)

Mu: Hey, I give you credit and all but if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

(Scene- The surface of the moon. A glint of light slowly approaches but it turns out to just be space dust. Dust not unlike the type found on abandoned Ohio roads. It slowly floats around and then moves on.)

Mu: I SAID will you kindly begin with the normal scene?!

*Grumble*

(Scene- CWAL lays around drinking coffee oblivious to the GHW going on outside their front door.)

(Arcturus plops himself down next to Lothos on the couch and joins him watching T.V.)

Arcturus: You know guys, Lothos has been sitting pretty still for a while, you think he's all right?

(Arcturus waves his hand in front of Lothos' face but gets no response. Then all of a sudden the door flies open and Maelstrom runs in. He slams the door shut and leans against it, gasping for breath.)

Maelstrom: *Wheeze* I suggest *gasp* you all run.

DarkChrono: Whats going on? Whats out there?

Maelstrom: I-its....he's

(Someone outside kicks the door open and Maelstrom gets flung across the room. By the time the figure enters CWAL has scattered and the room is empty. Empty besides for the unmoving Lothos.)

Bill Cosby: JEEEEEELLOOOOO!!!

Lothos:........

Bill Cosby: Oh come on, try some Jello my good man, don't just sit there watching T.V! I've got no more commercials on!

(Lothos' head drops to the side.)

Bill Cosby: THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR JELLO!!! GAAHH!!

(Kazz runs in and stuffs Bill Cosby into a toaster.)

Kazz: *Sniff* Once bread becomes toast, it can never go back to being bread.

Dark Chrono: What are you doing here? I thought you were in CARV?

Kazz: Well I have a simple answer for that, yesterday-

**THUD**

(Lothos falls to the floor and twitches.)

Fron: Call 911!

(Fjorxc picks up a banana and quickly dials.)

Fron: You idiot! Thats a fruit your holding.

(There is a knock at the door and two paramedics stroll in.)

Paramedic #1: Did someone call us on the banana phone? This must be a real emergency.

Fjorxc: See Fron (He says through a mouthful of banana) nooooothing to worry about.

Paramedic #2: Don't eat the phone!

(Fjorxc gets startled and swallows the peel, then he slips on it and hits the floor hard.)

Kazz: Wait a second...what AM I doing with CWAL??!

(The paramedics run over to Lothos and start shocking him.)

Paramedic #1: The tuna fish your eating really DOES have dolphin in it!

Lothos:.....*gasp*.....

Paramedic #2: There really ISN'T any heaven!

Lothos: *Gasp*

Paramedic #1: By the year 2050 T.V. will no longer exist!!

Lothos: *GASP COUGH HUFF* What happened to me?! I was watching T.V and then...nothing....

(Mu leans over to Arcturus.)

Mu: Is that really how those guys shock people?

Arcturus: Don't bash it till you've tried it.

Mu: Ok, bowling is a more popular sport than paintball.

Arcturus: AAHHHHHHHH!!!

(Arcturus's heart jumps out of his chest and smashes through a window. A cat outside shrieks and runs away.)

Fron: Hey where did DarkChrono go?

Pez: Oh no, he left us and is now blocking the majority of CWAL on ICQ!! I miss DarkChrono all ready!

Fron: Who's DarkChrono?

Pez: I'm not quite sure....

Fjorxc: What are we supposed to be doing now anyway?

Mu: Will all of you kindly calm down? You all seem rather rowdy today.

(PMD curses and rides away on a bull.)

Mu: What we need to do is restore order to the GHW.

Fron: What?! Goblins Have Wings?!!

Mu: No, the GHW is an acronym for the Great Holy War.

(PMD rides back in.)

PMD: No no no, Gunther Has Waffles, and he's NOT sharing!

(Gunther scuffs his feet together and shoves his waffles deeper into his pocket.)

Mu: But the question is....how DO we restore order to the GHW?..PMD, stop nibbling on Gunther!

PMD: Sowwy

Fron: Wait a second, the answer is easy. We have to make a short story that screws over everyone else's.

Mu: That won't work!

(They throw Mu in a sack and then throw the sack in Mu. Mu sits there choking but they can't see it because he's in the sack.)

Arcturus: Maybe we can shoot all the Slayers.

Maelstrom: Sounds like a plan!

(Maelstrom spins out of the room and returns with dozens of guns.)

Maelstrom: Let's go kill some Slayers!

(The CWALers rush out of StarBucks. Five minutes later they run back in to get the bullets.)

Fron: I'm tired of all this running.

Kazz: I-I can't find Carv....*sniff*

PMD: I can't remember if we killed all the Slayers by beating them to death with our guns or not.......

(The CWALers turn to the camera and point.)

Camera: Can I what?

Snapper: You guys are idiots!

Kazz: Get the sack!

~The End~
_______________________
What happened-

-CWAL sat around drinking coffee and playing starcraft.
-Lothos had a near death experience
-The banana phone was eaten
-CWAL almost killed all the Slayers but Fron got tired
-Kazz will probably get pissed off for being put in a CWAL story...oh wait, that's what WILL happen......

As day two lingered on, the engineering crew worked furiously on getting the Blackvoid balanced again. Until then, the crew had been walking on the walls and some even unwittingly falling through those damned automatic doors when they weren't being careful. For most of the people, though, it was simply disorienting. It took quite sometime for anyone to figure out how exactly they were supposed to flush the toilets, until they decided to reverse the gravity in the bathroom facilities, which in turn led to some even more interesting possibilities.

Zeno was already expecting something else to happen, but now he didn't really know what. When he had knocked his head against the wall during the anarchy last night, it had corrupted some of his memory banks, one ironically being the cell that stored his memories of what he wrote in the book. Unlike everyone else on the station; however, Zeno had thrusters that allowed him to fly through the corridors without having to worry about falling through any doors, and more imporantly worrying about how to flush the toilets. His only concern at the moment was to examine the wreckage, and the fact that he could also survive without oxygen in machine form was all the better. The vacuum of space was inconsequential.

When he had reached one of the scorched hallways radiating from the break point, he took his time to look around. Several DSA crewmen were already at the site, inspecting the damage in their little orange spacesuits. They were necessary, the weak humans, well most of them were human anyway. Due to the protection it offered, Zeno had grown accustomed to living in the Genesis Engine. Still, some of his best friends and enemies were humans, and he would be bored without them, thus he didn't consider them to be all THAT bad.

One of the men in the jumpsuits noticed Zenogias floating lazily through the hallway, and decided to report his findings. He was obviously the leader of one of the teams, signified by the special patch embedded in the right shoulder of his spacesuit.

Leader: Sir, Smapdi reporting for duty sir!

Zenogias: Smapdi, what an odd name....

Smapdi: Er....it's Khazerikastistanish, sir!

Zenogias: And your first name, officer?

Smapdi: Eemurt, sir!

Zenogias: Eemurt Smapdi? By any chance were you parents flower children?

Smapdi: What do you mean sir?

Zenogias: You know...late 60's early 70's stuff? Peace, love, marijuana?

Smapdi: ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT MY PARENTS ARE HIPPIES? Er...uhm...sir?

Zenogias: Why yes, I was!

Smapdi: *grumble* Sigh...

Zenogias: Well, get on with the report.

Smapdi: Very well...sir...we examined the area where the Blackvoid separated. As you know, this station was originally designed for modulation. Each group of decks, one through forty, were supposed to be clamped together by high-charged magnets as well as support cables to make sure that they wouldn't fall apart.

Zenogias: Yes, that was the original design.

Smapdi: If a direct hit were ever headed for the Blackvoid, it could separate into four parts around the central axis, where the bridge resides. The shot would simply pass through unharmed, and the sections could be linked back together.

Zenogias: That was the intent, indeed. Go on, Smapdi *chuckle*.

Smapdi: Grrr.... the situation we have now is that someone is hacking into our systems from an unknown point on Earth. We know how they're getting into our systems, but we can't trace it back to its point of origin, we just know that it's coming from the planet below.

Zenogias: So how does this affect the station's separation procedures?

Smapdi: Well...we're not sure. But apparently someone ordered for decks 10-19 to be disengaged from the rest of the Blackvoid. The procedures used, though, only turned on the thrusters that are used to help boost the fragment away in an emergency. The stress quickly became too much for the Blackvoid to withstand, as if the fragment and the main hull had been playing a game of tug-of-war, and the hull was losing. The support cables snapped, whipping around from the rubber-band-like effect and destroying some crucial conduits in the surrounding hallways.

Zenogias only hummed silently.

Smapdi: So, basically, the thrusters were engaged without the safety precautions being turned off, this ripped decks 10-19 from the rest of the hull. The break-up caused the Blackvoid to fall off balance, and that's where we are now.

********************

Barringer: Hahahahaha! It worked! I knew it!

CEO: Wheeeeeeee! So does our deal hold?

Barringer: Yes, but there's still three more chapters to fulfill.

CEO: Yes, I know.

Barringer: So why don't we go ahead and start Chapter 2?

CEO: That would be a good idea, but...

Barringer looked strangely at the CEO. He didn't know what "but..." could possibly mean.

Barringer: Huh? Wha?

Zeno's main engineer felt the floor fall out from under him, and it actually had. A trap door strategically placed in front of the CEO's desk had opened right under him. He could hear the maniacal laughter of the Blizzard leader as he slipped down a dark passageway and landed with a thud right on his ass.

CEO: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thank you for bringing me this book, Mr. Barringer! Now I can bend the DSA to my mercy....now it will all be mine, this war and everything. (sports announcer voice) And the CEO comes from behind! He's gaining on the Slayers, oh what an exciting race! Look at this, from last place he's running straight for the top....he's going he's going! My goodness ladies and gentlemen, Blizzard Entertainment's "Tower of Power", that suave CEO has surpassed the DSA! He's going to win it all! RAHHHH!! RAHHHH!!

The CEO spiked the book between his legs and started to do a chicken dance as if he had just scored a touchdown.

CEO: Ohhhh yeah! Slinky, we're going to the top!

Slinky: ....

CEO: Of course I wouldn't forget you! We'll always be together, fame and fortune will never separate us! NEVER!

Slinky: ........

CEO: Now, to go ahead an proceed with the next part of the plan. We're going to enact all four chapters at once! The DSA is going down tonight!

Slinky: ....

CEO: What, not even two chapters?

Slinky: .....

CEO: But...but I want to dominate the world TONIGHT!

Slinky: ..

CEO: Screw it! It's happening tonight, and even you won't stop me this time. I've waited too long for this. We've taken a back seat as the rightful dominators of CWAL and rulers of the world. Blizzard will once again reign supreme! HP!

HP: Yes, yes sir?

CEO: Get me Bill Roper on the phone...we need Diablo 2 delayed until 2001, and as for you, I expect a protoype of the War3 Mind Control Bug by the end of the week. Get to work!

********************

Barringer could only see a small point of light in the distance. It began to expand rapidly, a shadowy figure appearing in it's center.

Barringer: Gr...gram? Am I dead grandmother?

In effect, it had just been a circular door opening up letting a Flenser into the dungeon. Barringer had trouble adjusting his eyes, and after the door shut again, he could only see two barely visible red triangles...the eyes of the metal beast. The various whirrs and clicks coming from the Flenser came closer towards him, but due to the echoing nature of the walls, it was impossible to tell from which direction he was coming. In fact, the red triangles had vanished. Barringer tried harder and it sounded like the Flenser was traveling down the long hallway that made up the dungeon. Suddenly a cold, metal hand grabbed Barringer's shoulders, causing him to yelp.

Voice: Shh....keep it down!

Barringer: (still shivering) Who...who are y..you?

Voice: I think you'll know me when you see me. Your eyes haven't grown quite accustomed to the darkness yet...

Barringer blinked in the darkness. His pupils had been slowly growing allowing him to see through the black fog that surrounded him, except for the pinpoint of light coming from the doorway. He decided to lean up against one of the walls if he could find one. The engineer crawled around on his hands and knees, feeling out in front of him, and soon enough he could feel the damp, cold stones of the cell and leaned his back against them. He sat for several more minutes, objects in the dungeon slowly materializing from the inky blackness. He saw a chair sitting silently in a corner outside the cell, the outline of the door even came into focus. It wasn't until he saw the full form of the flenser patrolling outside his cell that he made a discovery...there were no bard keeping him from getting out! He slowly got up to his feet and started to walk towards the door.

Voice: I wouldn't touch that if I were you. There's a forcefield you know, it'll fry your hands if you do.

Barringer: Huh? What do you mean?

The figure had remained in the darkest corner of the prison, the one which Barringer still could not see.

Voice: Your eyes aren't adjusting fast enough. I suppose I might as well go ahed and reveal myself to you now.

Barringer watched in anticipation. For the few agonizing minutes he had been here (he wasn't sure how long, he had not been able to read the numbers on his watch), the thoughts raced through his mind on who this person could possibly be. Did he know him? Was he a friend? Maybe he was a captured DSA officer.

Voice: Alright, here I come.

It could have been any one of those, he thought. But no, he wasn't prepared for this one, the last person he'd expect to find here had just stepped into his vision. Sure, he could mostly only see outlines, but it was enough to convince him who it was. He studied the man standing there...the short, brown hair, and the white lab coat, being the brightest part of him, stood out most prominently...it WAS him..but why?

Barringer: ZENOGIAS?!?! It can't be!

Unknown Man: Hmm....close. Come on, Mr. Barringer, you should know me! You programmed me after all!

Barringer: But..I'm not sure, I thought you were Zeno!

Unknown Man: In a way, I suppose I am. Why this is his body after all, most of it anyway.

Barringer: I...I don't get it.

The paradox created at that very moment had Barringer's brain cells straining to their limits. Zeno's body? But Zeno's on the Blackvoid! But he's in the Genesis Engine...Zeno's body should be...

Barringer: But...Zeno's body is in cold storage on the Blackvoid! It has been ever since he was originally killed.

Unknown Man: Are you sure? Did you ever think to back and check on it once in awhile? In fact, who's to say it was ever in their in the first place?

Barringer: Quit playing games with my mind! Who are you, really?!

Unknown Man: I told you, you programmed me. Do you not yet realize who or rather what I am?

Barringer: ....Genesis....?

Genesis: Bingo!

Barringer: But...but...

Genesis: How? Allow me to start at the beginning, my creator.

~-~-~-~-Flashback-~-~-~-~

(The room was still in confusion, no one heard him. Some people were in utter shock while others were attempting to find the answers to newly-formed questions. Barringer gritted his teeth and motioned to his understudy, Reus, who bolted over as quickly as he could.

Reus, also panicked, was raving, "What?! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!?! This is TOTAL MADNESS!!"

"I don't know, but there's only one thing we can do at this time, and I think you know what that is........")

~-~-~-~-End Flashback-~-~-~-~

Genesis: Do you remember that, Barringer? The day Zeno was killed. I watched from afar in my metal shell...I had not yet been able to mobilize myself and neither had my vocal capabilities been functional yet. It was unfortunate...I saw the attack coming, I could have stopped it.

Barringer: Wow...yes, I do remember that day. And that day Reus and I exchanged the default Genesis Engine AI with Zeno's AI backup. And then I gave the disk containing the Genesis AI to Reus, and...oh shit.

Genesis: I suppose you just figured it out, eh? I didn't know he was a Blizzard operative before I was reawakened in this body...also taken from the Blackvoid.

Barringer: I was too busy trying to answer the many questions the crowd had that day. No one was sure what had happened until it was too late.

Genesis: Too busy to know what Reus had been doing. He was in on it from the very beginning. My time here has revealed many things. Blizzard has been in this war monitoring it through operatives without ever getting directly involved. In fact, the man that killed Zeno wasn't a Slayer at all. He, too, was a Blizzard agent.

Barringer: The bastards!

Genesis: So, with Zeno's body in one hand and me, the Genesis Engine's AI, in the other...

Barringer: They reconstructed you..

Genesis: Yes, somewhat. Unfortunately, they put me in this body for the time being in order to keep me properly restrained. If I was put into a Flenser's body, they wouldn't be able to control me. That's why they're attempting to build a super-Flenser on scale with the Genesis Engine right now.

Barringer: A super-Flenser?!

Genesis: Right, and then they'll discard Zeno's body and put me inside the new Flenser, controlled and contained by an AI submission field. It puts me right under their control.

Barringer: Damn...we've got to warn Zeno about this. We've GOT to get out of here!

Genesis: Hmm, I'm not entirely sure if it will work, but I've been trying to assimilate Zeno's body with minimal effects.

Barringer noted that fact, seeing that Zeno's right arm was now completely mechanical, and so we part of his left leg, as well as some kind of attatchment protruding from his head.

Genesis: I have something that might just be able to counteract the effects of the forcefield.

Barringer: We have to try! We need to get out of here and inform Zeno of Blizzard's plans! The CEO is planning to completely blow up the Darkvoid in a matter of hours by using the book! He's enacting Chapters 2 through 4 on the same day!

Genesis: That would be disasterous! EVERYONE on the Blackvoid would die as the battleship would rip itself apart at the seams! I'm afraid you're right, master, we need to get out of here as soon as possible. I hope this works....

********************

The CEO stood atop the roof of the Blizzard building looking up towards the heavens. The Blackvoid remained in the sky, slightly lopsided, but still intimidating. It's shadow made an almost seemingly permanent impression on the moon...but soon enough, that station would be gone and so would the shadow itself. The DSA would no longer be in Blizzard's way, and with the powers of the Genesis Engine nearly in his grasp, he would not be defeated this time. Another man joined the CEO in looking up at the stars.

Reus: Beautiful, isn't it?

CEO: Beautiful enough to destroy...

Reus: Certainly. Let's get this over with. Shall we start the countdown?

CEO: No, not yet. We'll let them think they're safe first. A few more hours and Zeno will believe that the second Chapter will never be fulfilled, when in fact, we will unleash the full powers of the book upon him.

Reus: Right, oh glorious master. Right...

********************

Officer: Zeno, we have CWALers on the station! They've entered through one of the portals we had set up in Irvine!

Zenogias' eyes flared red, surprised by this revelation. This was not something he had expected to happen.

Zenogias: What the hell! Get them off the station! Kill them if you must!

Officer: They're...they're too strong! AUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Zenogias: What? What happened? Are you there?

Officer: *stuttering* I...I j-just piss-ed my p-pants! Oh shame!

Zenogias: STOP THEM!

Officer: They're heading for the Blackvoid's computer core now! No one's able to stop them!

Zenogias: Shit! I'll have to take care of this one myself.

Zenogias turned his thrusters back to maximum and zipped down the hallway back into the hallway, zooming down myriad corridors, flying deeper and deeper into the heart of the mighty DSA battleship. The computer core wasn't much farther, and when he entered, he saw several surprised CWALers staring back at him.

Zenogias: Now you die!

SimMaster: I came here for a reason. And it isn't to die!

Zenogias: Yeah, right.

SimMaster smashed Zeno with a blast from the Whuppassinator.

Zenogias: (Undamaged) That the best you got?

*BOOM!*

An explosion rips through the BlackVoid.

Zenogias: What the? MY SHIP! NO! You're not worth it! *THWACK* (Smacks SimMaster to the side and runs to save his ship)

SimMaster: Oof! I showed him! (SimMaster picks up the unconscious body of Orcfodder and heads off to the portal control room) I gotta get outta here.

Zenogias: This is BAD! REALLY BAD!

Part 17: Summoning

(It was all blurry, then the shapes and colors formed into images, and-)

Z: Ahhh!

DarthNinny: Ahhh!

Z: Don't stand so close when I wake up! Wait! I can talk! Cool!

Paradox: Welcome back to the living.

Mu: I was as superlative as I could be of course, but not all the alterations could be undone.

Z: Huh? (Looks at his still present tendril hand flop over backwards.) Ewww.

Orcfodder: (With a bandage on his head) Err, don't look at your toes.

Z: Wha? (Looks at his tendril toes) Ahhh! My toes! Do you know how hard it was to find shoes that fit me before?!

SimMaster: Well it is only your right foot.

Z: Where can I find a right size 30 shoe?

Master Tuff: You could try sandals. They're toeless and look so keen! (Shows off his sandals.)

Z: Err, nah. (Stands up off the Infirmary bed and walks.) *Flop flop flop*

Paradox: Your foot makes a flopping sound! Ha!

Z: Why me? So, Sim, what did you get off the 'Void? Anything useful?

SimMaster: Just blueprints, of course, it's probably a cloud of dust floating into the atmosphere by now. I'll just keep 'em around, you never know if they'd build another one.

Orcfodder: I doubt that. So how are you feeling?

Z: I've been better. Let's go about the neighborhood. I've been really outta the loop.

Paradox: Sure, but I think you should stay away from Phasmus, he's been getting a little too psycho lately with you Xel'Naga about.

Z: I assumed as much.

DarthNinny: I'll stick here, I've had enough adventure for a lifetime.

Z: Ok, see ya later.

(CARV HQ)

Laserslug: You're Case's beotch! HAW haw!

Kazz: NO! Don't take me away!

Steve Case: You're mine!

Dorg: Should I help him?

(Dorg's Brain)

Cell#1: (Romping through a meadow) Tra la la la!

Cell#2: Doctor! Its Dorg's conscience! Dorg was playing "Captain Plastic Bag Helmet." We have to save him!

Cell#1: Ok, but first- Tra la la! (Romps some more.) Ok let's go.

(The Cell Hospital)

Cell#1: Ok. I need a defib stat! *Zap!* Heehee! *Zap zap zap zap*

Dorg's Conscience: Cough! You saved me, doc! *zap!* Ouch! You can stop now!

Cell#1: Ok. Just doing my job, come along ladies!

Cell#3: Oh, doctor! You're so heroic!

Cell#4: Yeah! You're my hero!

Dorg's Conscience: I need to get some hotties! But now I have a more important job to do.

(Back at CARV HQ)

Dorg: Meh. (Throws a card at Steve Case) *Poof*

Steve Case: Ouchies! *BOOM!*

Kazz: What kinda card didja you use?

Dorg: Quality Assurance. Kills Aolers dead!

Kazz: And you did it for me! Yay!

Dorg: No, I just didn't want to ever see that stick figure picture again.

Craw: You mean this one? (Holds up picture)

Dorg: OH DEAR GOD IT BURNS! (Jumps out the window)

Craw: Heh. (Looks at the picture) Stick Figure Porn is cool.

Zeus: (Reading slug porn)

Laserslug: Hey, that's mine!

(Outside in Irvine)

*KKSSTTTHHOOOOOMM* (Lightning steaks across the sky, as rain starts to fall.)

Zethon: (Walks up to old condemned warehouse) This will be adequate, for now at least.

(He breaks the lock on the door and opens it, the sound of the rusty hinges through out the dreary black structure, occasionally lit up with the flash of lightning.)

(He sets Razor down on an old crate.)

Razor: (Makes a computer sound) The program is complete. Do you wish to see the results?

Zethon: Yes.

Razor: Are you sure?

Zethon: YES!

Razor: Are you really really-

Zethon: I said yes!

Razor: Ok. (The results are printed on the screen.)

Zethon: I see.

(Elsewhere in Irvine, rain starts to pour there as well)

Z: I wish I had a jacket, oh, I'd like to thank you guys again, for saving me and stuff.

SimMaster: No prob. *Beep! Beep!* (Takes out cell phone) This the Architect speaking. It's for you. (Hands the phone to Z.)

Z: Yes? What?! You have a lot of nerve to- what? Where? Why should I? Ok, but I won't be alone! *Beep* (Z turns the phone off and hands it back to SimMaster) Err, I hope that was waterproof.

SimMaster: I hope so too. (Tips his phone over as 5 gallons of water spill out of it.)

Paradox: Who was that?

Z: Our good friend. You know who.

Orcfodder: No we don't.

Z: Yes you do.

Orcfodder: No we don't.

Z: It was Zethon.

Paradox: Who?

Z: The evil genetics guy!

SimMaster: He has a name? Well, why does he want to see you?

Z: I dunno. Let's go find out. (They head to the warehouse.)

Part 18: Truth and Pain

(Blizzard Flenser Lab)

Blizzard Lackey: We've managed to repair the main programming net.

LCG: Excellent. Reactivate.

Blizzard Lackey: At once!

(The Lackey hits a switch and the battered ultraflenser War's eye light up.)

War: What? What happened?

LCG: You we're severely damaged by a blast caused by-

War: CWALers.

LCG: Yes. Atleast your memory remained intact, can't say the same about the rest of you. (Points to his scorched frame.)

War: Yes, I see.

Death: (Clanks in) Oh, long time no see.

War: You! It seemed awfully convenient that you were called in here just before the place blew up around me!

Death: Meh, I'm just lucky I guess.

War: Why I ought to kill you now!

LCG: Please, you don't want do that, dissention among the ranks is a sign of weakness. And you know have the CEO does about weakness.

Death: We know.

War: Grrr.

(Warehouse, still are dark as ever.)

Z: Nice place.

Paradox: If you're a practitioner of the dark arts.

SimMaster: Yeah.

Orcfodder: So did he wish to see you?

Z: He never said.

SimMaster: This is almost certainly a trap.

Zethon: I assure you that it is not, of now. *Flickers*

Paradox: A hologram! If this isn't a trap then why aren't you even here?

Zethon: All to be explained in good time.

SimMaster: Look what I found! (Points to a small box) It's a holo-projector, it's pretty small, so I'd guess you'd have to pretty close to transmit your signal.

Zethon: You aren't as stupid as I give you credit for.

SimMaster: Thanks, I think.

Z: Let's cut to the heart of the matter! Why have you called me here?!

Zethon: (Smiles)

(CARV HQ)

Dorg: Man, I'm bored.

Zeus: (Reading slug porn with Laserslug)

Laserslug: Yeah, check out the antennae on her.

Kazz: Grrrr, youch! (Rips the little flower out of his ass.) I think I got some hair with one. Ouch.

Dorg: That was too much information ever.

Seraph: Yeah, Hey, Intruder! Whatcha doing over there? You've been quiet lately, and I don't like the looks of that.

Intruder: (Working on an ICBM) *Grumble* I show that Fron and his fancy pants Dominion. *Grumble*

Dorg: I said no nuclear devices in the living room. I already yelled at Namrok about that.

Intruder: Ah, but this is no ordinary ICBM. It's the Anti Canadian Ballistic Missile.

Craw: (Looks up from his Canadian Porn) Uh, Intruder, "Anti" begins with an "A," not and "I."

Intruder: Don't ruin my fun! Ok, it's an ACBM! Ah hahahahahahaha!

Craw: Ooookkkkaaayyy. (Looks back at his Canadian Porn) Heehee, maple leafs.

Dorg: But it's still nuclear!

Intruder: Of course it is! This missile is powered by the most unstable Canadian Beer yet! MOLSON BLUTONIUM!

Dorg: Oh … My … God!

Intruder: Ah hahahahahaha!

Kazz: You maniac! You blew it up! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HHHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL!!

Intruder: I haven't used it yet.

Kazz: Oh, can I push the big red button.

Intruder: I dunno. Have you been a good beaver?

Kazz: (Has big puppy dog eye)

Seraph: Yuck! Where did you get those?

Kazz: Well, I found them on the street. Aren't they cool? (Throws the puppy dog eyes away) And they bounce!

Seraph: Eww, one of them touched me. I hope they ain't diseased.

Intruder: More than likely it is. We all remember the last time Kazz picked something from off the street.

Dorg: Yeah, The lice still control Skinny's brain.

Skinny: I don't have to listen to these wild allegations! (Scratches head.)

Intruder: Now! For the final phase of my plan! (Takes out a cooler and opens it.) Behold! (He takes out a glowing blue can of Molson Blutonium.)

Dorg: Lemme see that. (Reads label) Contents: Dependant on elevation and outside pressure of this container. Warning: Consult nuclear physicist before ingestion. Remember: Drink responsibly before operation of a reactor. Officially endorsed by the famous glowing skulls of Chernobyl. This doesn't look very safe. Remember it is Canadian Beer.

Kazz: I'm parched! (Chugs the unstable beer) Mmm, tasty.

Intruder: NOOOO! I was saving that one for later! At least I got a six pack at the store. (Takes out another can.)

(Warehouse)

Zethon: Perhaps I sould tell you what I have just learned myself, you see a long time ago-

Paradox: Is this whole thing going to be an emotional account of the past using over elaborate flashback sequences?

Zethon: Why yes.

Paradox: I thought so. Guys, you know what to do.

SimMaster: Yup. (They all take out lawn chairs, fold the out, and sit down.)

Z: Ok we're ready. What's so special.?

Zethon: I'll say it right at the top. *sigh* Well, I'm your father.

Z: (Falls off his chair)

Paradox: What the F%$#?!

SimMaster: No way! He pulled a Darth Vader on us!

Z: (Completely blown away.)

To Be Continued . . .

The rest of Z's story has no bearing on the GHW, and so has been excluded from the archives. If you wish to read it, go here.

[Battle ravaged Irvine: 3 AM]

(Eddie picked his way between the large chunks of rubble that used to be a Nationsbank and one of the many Wafflehouses in the area, carrying the Sword of Time in his right hand. In the other hand, he carried with him the gun of a Blizzard Security Guard.)

Eddie: Hmmm... where to now...

(Suddenly a sharp light pierced the night sky by the moon. An explosion.)

Eddie: .....

(The dark pewter hull of the BlackVoid illuminated to the fire snaking along it's side. Something was going wrong somewhere. Eddie felt a grin materialize on his face.)

****

[The BlackVoid]

(Zenogias is sitting in the command chair in the bridge of the Black Void. He is playing checkers with Frog.)

Frog: Yay! I won again!

Zenogias: I think your cheating.

Frog: Why would I cheat at checkers? Your just being a sore loser.

Zenogias: You know, I could just have you destroyed at a whim.

Frog: And this effects our game how?

*THOOOOM*

(Checkers fly everywhere. One hits Frog in the eye)

Zenogias: W-What was that?! Has Blizzard started the next chapter?

Frog: My eye! Ow!

(Another explosion rocks the bridge, sending many of the crewmen to the deck. A worried look passes over the weapons officer)

Weapons Officer: No sir! We are being attacked!

Zenogias: But... who would...?

Frog: Ow... It's getting swollen... Should I put some ice on it?

Crewmen: Scans have revieled a small rip in the fabric of the universe! Numerous ships have begun to pour out of it.... and have begun attacking us...

Zenogias: Crap.. as if we didn't have enough to worry about.

Frog: Are you even concerned about me at all?

Zenogias: This isn't the time!

Frog: Your so self-centered, sometimes.

****

...portal is successful.... ...entrance into "CWAL Prime" complete... ...begin scanning for primary target... ...wait... ...target not found in current space.. ...ALERT!... ...large ship of unknown orgin... ...possible threat... ...fire at once... diable.. ..and then continue on mission...

****

Crewman: They...they are leaving! But... why?

Zenogias: Our massive weapons and size must have scared them off.

Crewman: Unlikely sir. They took out our weapons in the first volley... I'm still trying to figure out what they shot at us. And the ship design isn't in the data base. They are landing near Irvine...

Zenogias: Do we really need anymore plot twists?

Frog: Apparently, we do!

Zenogias: Shush.

Frog: Wanna play checkers again?

****

Another Story Brought to you by Robo - Gerbil...

"Northern Fire"

******************************
San Fransisco, Working base of the Chaotic Elements
******************************

Wires. Wires as far as the eye can see. And all hooked up to a little metally fellow. That and a lot of satellite communications gear, televisions and the internet. Must not forget the internet. Anywho, Robo-Gerbil has been transformed into a Processing Center; a live sentient Tactical Command Interface.

Dei'Nach'r: Line 1?

Robo-Gerbil: Check

Dei'Nach'r: Com 1?

Robo-Gerbil: Check

Dei'Nach'r: Core Systems?

Robo-Gerbil: Check

(Fifteen minutes later)

Dei'Nach'r: All systems are green...go...go...go!

Robo-Gerbil: This is TacCom...Respond if you can hear this message.

Orcfodder: Metal Gear here...I read you.

Dei'Nach'r: Cat in Hat here...I read you.

Karim: Big Balls here...I got you.

Gesir: Live Wire here...Affirmative

Rumais: Rummy here...I hear.

AdrienX: Dare here...Me too.

Robo - Gerbil: This is TacCom. All systems are checked out and we're good to go.

AdrienX: Very well. Now what do we do? We have San Fransisco and Murmansk, but we're low on funding...especially with all of those Frosties that we're building.

Dei'Nach'r: Yeah. We need more parts. At our current rate, we'll build only another half dozen of the droids before we're out...completely. I suggest we move to get more cash and parts.

Robo-Gerbil:

>>Accessing subnet routines...
>>Analyzing Income by Zip Codes...
>>Analysis Complete...

Our nearest target, simply, is our neighbors in Palo Alto. Analysis shows that as the core of Silicon Valley, they have the most Cash to Geek ratio than anywhere.

Karim: Yeah...and Geeks are easy to beat up and steal their lunch monies. Except this time, we'll take their STOCK OPTIONS!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

AdrienX: Very well. Palo Alto it is.

******************************
The Next Day in Palo Alto
******************************

Robo-Gerbil: This is TacCom. I've picked up a hostile bogey on the radar.

Karim: Wha? Geeks with airplanes?

Dei: Yes. I read somewhere about Larry Ellison trying to buy a MiG from the Russians. I don't know if he was successful, but it could be the case.

Robo-Gerbil: Suggest Caution. Deploying Frosties first.

Adrien: Got it. We'll hold.

******************************
Larry Ellison's Mansion
******************************

Larry Ellison: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now Bill Gates will see the folly of opposing the Network Computer! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Secretary: Sir...we have Bill Gates here on the line.

Larry: Yo Billy boy!

Bill: Don't call me that.

Larry: Shut up! I'm holding all the cards now. I just want you to know that I got myself a MiG. If you think your troubles with the Justice Department are bad, just wait until Operation GateBuster is launched. BWAHAHAHAHA! Have a nice day! (Hangs up)

Secretary: Sir! We've detected a mass of androids moving in at our positions!

Larry: So...Gates thinks he can take me out first huh? I'll show him!

******************************
Palo Alto
******************************

Robo - Gerbil: The Frosties are in position. Suggestion would be to hit all of the internet Cafe's first, then all of the coffeeshops.

Karim: You're going to deprive them of COFFEE??? Doesn't the Ares Convention prevent cruel and inhumane punishments during wartime?

AdrienX: There..there...Karim. When we take them over, we'll restore the coffee supply. It's just a short time measure...Desperate Times call for desperate measure.

Karim: Fine...but if even one of them dies from caffeine deprivation...

AdrienX: That won't happen. We'll be careful.

Karim: Good.

Robo-Gerbil: The Frosties have announced that they're under assault from pens and pocket protectors.

AdrienX: Okay guys...we're moving in now...watch your back. If any of you guys gets hit by the nerd's weapons, report immediately. We'll see what we can do to counter the Dork-itis.

Karim: Got it.

Robo - Gerbil: TacCom Here. The Frosties have neutralized the threats. We're moving in to consolidate the territory. Estimated haul, 2.8 million so far.

Karim: Good...good..wha?

Larry: YOU! How dare you step onto my turf?

AdrienX: Huh?

Larry: So...Gates thinks that he can hit me first huh? Prepare to eat...

Orcfodder: Ummm...we're here just to maim, kill and steal because we're greedy, thieving bastards.

Larry: Oh...so you're not working for Gates?

Orcfodder: Nope.

Larry: Oh...so sorry. Carry on.

(Larry Ellison starts to walk away)

Dei: WAIT!

Larry: Huh?

Dei: We have a proposition for you...

******************************
In the meeting room
******************************

Larry: So let me get this straight...in exchange for the support of Silicon Valley as well as the right to purchase our IPOs at 90% cost, you'll help us defeat Bill Gates?

Dei: Well, we're also going to need around 10% of the stocks of all the major companies.

Scott McNealy: 5%

Dei: Ummm...how much is that?

Robo-Gerbil: Approximately 27 million.

Dei: Deal! But only if you throw in that .18 micron technology...

Orcfodder: And candied apples!

Larry: And when you take over America, you'll ban all Microsoft Products right?

Dei: Right!

Scott: DEAL! This will be a great day in the history of America! We shall tear down Bill Gate's Empire! Until Bill is beaten down to a bloody pulp, we, the heads of Silicon Valley do pledge our support to the Chaotic Element's band.

(Everyone shakes on the deal)

Orcfodder: Can I have my candied apples now?

Mu: Weasel.

~The End~

What happened:

Chaotic Elements is rich as all hell as the alliance between them and Sun Microsystems, Oracle, and the other major comers of Silicon Valley is solidified.

They have the .18 micron technology and enough hardware factories to build better and faster processors for their robots, eventually leading up to the development of the Frosties, Mark II.

They are now also the sworn enemy of Microsoft.

Mu said Weasel.

This isn't my best work (I had all of 1 day to do it, but It gets the point across)

Barringer: Quick! Down that corrirdor they can't catch us down there!

Genesis: What was that? I can't hear you over the laser fire!

Barringer: Over this way!

Genesis: The Flensers are closing in!

Barringer waved his hand to Genesis, who was being chased by several feverish Flensers. Their blood-thirsty grins hung like a pile of wet blankets over his shoulder.

Genesis: No! They're going to get me! This body...it's, it's not fast enough!

Barringer: COME ON! HURRY!

Genesis: No! No! There's not stopping them!

Barringer Be rational, Genesis! Shit!

One of the Flensers leapt for Genesis, gouging his left shoulder with a menacing blade. It shook the man about like a rag-doll, into the right wall first, and then the left. Barringer patted his pockets, and then his boots in a desperate attempt to find a weapon and save Genesis.

Barringer: They took my weapons, too!

Genesis: Help....help....help me!

Genesis' voice sounded like a broken record.

Barringer: This is going to have to be a man to machine battle! COME GET SOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!!

The Flenser swiped at the little man with it's free claw, but Barringer performed a back-flip and was just able to dodge the sharp appendage.

Barringer: Is that the best you've got? COME ON!!!

Genesis: Ah! Ah! AUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!!

Barringer saw the claw rip outwards through Genesis' shoulder, nearly taking of his arm, but splattering blood against the wall as his body slammed hard against it and then hit the floor with a thud. Both of the Flenser's claws were now free, not to mention the other three Flensers that were slowly forming a circle around Barringer. He was outgunned, outpowered, outnumbered, and his only ally was laying half-dead in a puddle of blood next to him. The next thing he did surprised even Genesis. Barringer fell to one knee and bowed his head.

Barringer: I pray for forgiveness. The fight is over and the war is finished. It cannot be won, nor lost, only ended, on which side matters no longer to me, as long as I can keep my life when everything sorts itself out. Zeno has been my guide, but you have been my leader. The ruse is up, and I submit to you.

CEO: I'm glad to see you finally realize the truth, my friend. It is ironic, isn't it? You could be considered the second-in-command of the DSA, and yet you will ultimately be the one to destroy it! MUAHAHAHA!

A look of disbelief suddenly flushed out the wretches of pain from Genesis' face.

Genesis: Huh....wha? What are....you doing, Mr. Barringer? You know where your loyalty lies!!!!

Barringer: YOU don't tell me what to do! I CREATED you, stupid machine fool! Don't you see, if this war continues, in the end we will all just end up dying! It will go on with a victor, AND THE ONLY WAY TO STOP IT IS TO DESTROY IT AT ITS CORE!

Genesis: How can you possibly think that when glory is in our hands, we all know Zeno will win this war! Have you not forgotten about the plan, the one in existence since the very beginning of the war?

CEO: Plan? What plan? I want to know! Gossip, people, gossip!

Barringer: It's nothing to worry about. As soon as we destroy Zeno, we destroy the problem along with the plan. There will be no more need for war.

Genesis: How could you?

Barringer: Quit acting like an idiot!

Genesis: Just a minute ago you were helping me and the next thing I know you turn against everything you ever believed in!

Barringer: Stop it, I said! I don't remember creating you to be so naive!

CEO: Can I speak?

Barringer: You have become weak-minded, Genesis! I guess that's what a few months in a dungeon can do to you...

Genesis: NO! You're not thinking straight, Mr. Barringer! Not at all!

CEO: If you would all quit yelling....I have a proposition for you, Genesis.

Barringer rose back up onto both feet and took his place standing next to the Blizzard CEO.

Barringer: He'll never accept it.

CEO: I'm glad to see that you finally changed your mind, Barringer, but this plan would go even smoother if we could get that Superflenser online.

Barringer: Uh-huh.

CEO: Now Genesis, if you wish to preserve that body and cooperate, everything will go peacefully. If you do not comply, then I'll have the Flensers rip the A.I. brain from your head, and we'll promptly install it in the Superflenser. What's your choice?

Genesis: I choose neither!

CEO: Look at you, weak, and lying unarmed on the floor in the middle of a bunch of Flensers. Are you really in a position to defy me?

Genesis: YOU are the one who lacks clarity. And Barringer, I could never have fathomed that you would EVER do this. However, I admire your skills as a programmer, you gave me the common sense that you have long since lost. Most of you would could Zeno and the DSA evil, but evil doesn't mean unsympathetic.

Barringer: Yes it does.

Genesis: *grumble* Well, thanks for ruining my speech! But that doesn't change anything. I refuse to submit.

Barringer: You...I...I'm ashamed to have ever created you....

Genesis: Your sudden mood swing is what disturbs me.

Barringer: It wasn't sudden, I've thought hard about this for a long time! Just like the other "greats" that have risen to power, those that would threaten the world. Stalin, Castro, Hitler, Mussolini...all of them FAILED!

CEO: Castro's still alive.

Barringer: FAILED I SAID! Zeno is just the next in the long line of such dictator-like rulers.

Genesis: You can't compare him to those people! They KILLED THOUSANDS!
Zeno merely wants to craft the world in his image, usher in a new age for the Earth!

Barringer: Naive...so unassuming. You've been on this planet for a few months, I've been here for 22 years! You know NOTHING of human nature!

Genesis: You're wrong....wrong....you betray one "villain" just to join another? Where do YOUR true intentions lie, Mr. Barringer.

Barringer: I know my true intentions and it's no business of yours.

Genesis: It's all coming down...

CEO: GRRR! That's all I can take! I can't stand this drivel anymore. Flensers, tear him up!

The CEO turned and began to walk away, guffawing in his own maniacal way. Barringer followed behind him, not even taking a backwards glance at Genesis, who was getting ripped apart behind him...the metal claws gouging every part of his body, and he just sat there and took it without a whimper of pain.

(The large airplane hangar that made up the convention hall was filled with the constant bantering of the CWAL folk. A lot of the honored ones, some retirees who had come back for this moment only, sat in the first few rows while the rest of the people watched on from behind. Well, except for the newbies, who were relegated to a cardboard box out back with a miniature black and white TV hooked up to a potato.)

Robo-Gerbil: No, Orc, the reception isn't getting any better! You can take the potato out of your pants now!

Orcfodder: *whimper*

(Orcfodder reluctantly hands the potato back to Robo-Gerbil.)

Robo-Gerbil: *banging on the TV set* Grrr....this isn't right! Well, do you know what we're going to do tonight?

Dei'Nach'r: No, exactly what are we going to do tonight?

Orcfodder: Yeah, we can't just sit here all night putting potatoes in our pants....although, it is very [elevator music].

Robo-Gerbil: That's right! What we're going to do tonight is prove our stuff! Prove that newbies can't just be run over by the veterans like a runaway truck! We're going to strike back!

Imp: Wow....how dramatic!

Robo-Gerbil: Quiet you.

[Back inside the convention hall]

(Loud introduction music fills the hall as a familiar metal clunking, much like footsteps, is greeted by boos from the crowd, except for the small section reserved for OEEP.)

Zenogias: Hello everybody!

Pez: Hi, Dr. Nick!

Zenogias: *ahem* I know, I know. Over the past few months I've filled all of your lives with pain, misery, frustration, and lest we not forget my favorite word, SUFFERING!

(More boos erput from the crowd.)

Zeno: But, I'm here tonight with a different purpose, for some odd reason I was chosen as the host of this ceremony, and by golly, I'm here to do it! You see, it is strangely ironic, that I, an....

GAVAL: EVVVVVAAAAAAHHHHHLLLL!!!

Zeno: *cough* Yes, thank you Gaval! I, being an "evahl" guy, have decided to play it good for one night here. And my colleague, Barringer, has decided to call a truce as well! Barringer, come on out!

(Barringer walks out with a nervous limp and shyly waves at the crowd. He walks up to the Genesis Engine and they hug.)

Barringer: I love you Zeno!

Zeno: I love you, too, but you can stop grabbing my leg now! HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?!

(Zeno's arm morphs into a high-powered atomic chain-gun and center on a man who had just gotten out of his seat.)

Zeno: No one leaves while I'M talking!

Jolt: (meekly) I...I just had to go to the little fodder's room! Honest!

Zeno: That's not good enough!

Jolt: If you would be so kind...I would just like to go one night without *CHAKKA-CHAKKA-CHAKKA-CHAKKA!*

(The chain gun's barrel whirred to a stop, smoke wafting out of the various holes.)

Zeno: Sorry for the disturbance folks! *chuckle* We'll be getting on with the show now, and our first guest tonight is Duraznos, with a speech on why he thinks vets are keen!

(Zeno shuffled off stage as the lights on the stage went dim. A lone shaft of light fell down on the podium, revealing Duraznos behind it.)

Duraznos: Hello? Is this thing on? *ahem* Here's my speech on why vets are so keen!

(Duraznos sits in silence on the stage for several minutes.)

Duraznos: Thank you, and good night!

(Duraznos walkes off stage to the applause of the crowd.)

Zeno: Haha folks! That was one heck of a wasted speech, eh? Eh? *ahem* EH?

(Fron leapt out of his with a shot and marched up to the stage, pointing straight at Zenogias with a shaky finger.)

Fron: *snort* *heave* Are you making fun of Canada?! *grunt*

(Zeno lifts a glass of iced tea to his mouth, despite not having one.)

Zeno: *slurp* Ahhhh....why no, Fron, why would I ever do that?

Fron: I....*twitch* better not find you making fun of Canada ever again! *twitch*

Zeno: Is that a vein popping on your neck or a hickey from a Fench Canadian street whore?

Fron: Grrrr....YOU! Fine, we're settling this my way!

Zeno: Settling what, eh?

(A curtain opens up behind them, revealing a semi-circular seating area where various Canadian Dominion officers are seated around a central area with two seats and computer monitors.)

Fron: It's time to play.....Who wants to be a Canadian Citizen?

Zeno: What kind of sick game is this?! Fron, we've got to get back to the ceremony!

Fron: Not until we finish this! Now sit down! [addressing the audience] Here's our contestant for tonight, Zenogias. He is the evil leader of the Dark Star Alliance, which is currently trying to take over the planet from their homebase currently orbiting the Earth! He also enjoys knitting and flying kites in his spare time. Now, Zeno, are you ready to play...

Audience: Who wants to be a Canadian Citizen!

Zeno: Erm....yeah....

Fron: Alright, you'll be asked one question concerning Canadian affairs, and if you manage to get all of them right, you'll win a nifty T-shirt saying: "I'm a Canuck and liking it!" plus an all-expense paid trip to the Canadian wilderness where your back will be ritualistically shaved by lumberjacks and you'll be left alone bare naked in the middle of a snowfield to find your way back to civilization!

Zeno: Cool! Always wanted my back shaved by big, hairy, luscious lumberjacks....

Fron: Even for a Canadian, I am not THAT weird....ok, onto our first question. Who is the undisputed, coolest guy ever to come from Canada? A, me. B, Fron. C, The Emperor of the Canadian Dominion. D, Michael J. Fox?

Zeno: Let me, uh, think it over for a minute.....I think it could be B, but it could also be C, too.....hrm. OK, A!

Fron: Final answer?

Zeno: Well, now I'm having second thoughts. It COULD be D now that I've gone over it.

Fron: GRRR! FRIGGIN' FINAL ANSWER IS A, IDIOT! YOU WIN! *pant* *pant*

Zeno: Woohoo!

Fron: Somebody...*paint* get me beer....something....strong.... *faints*

Zeno: OK! Back to our ceremony! Where were we?

Barringer: I believe we were at the point where we show the video.

Zeno: Yes, the video, it has ALL the vets greatest moments. Perhaps we should roll that now!

(The lights dim as a gigantic screen descends from the ceiling. The tape reel starts to flicker before finally playing what looks like a home movie. The camera appears to be focused in on a furry thing rubbing up against a scaly thing with various high-pitched grunts and yelps. Iolaus' voice starts playing in accordance to the video.)

Iolaus: Yes, it was his first raid. That Infamous Beaver was never so happy as the first time he stopped to hump the giant plastic hydralisk in Blizzard Headquarter's main lobby. Yes, those were the times, and it almost brings me to tears. What a happy, happy little beaver he was *sniffle*.

(The camera pans out to reveal Kazz thrusting his midsection up against the hydralisk.)

Fenrir: [from the back of the hangar] Hey, kind of looks like me guys!

TAK: How the hell did he get in here! That little freak!

Ikana: I think the question is who let that loser Japanazi in here!

TAK: I'll have you know... (for the sake of all readers this line will be spoken in a much easier and less harsh format) BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH Japan BLAH Hitler!

Fearless: It would concern me that due to this clear outrage and intrusion on this great, but ultimately doomed ceremony, CWAL will promptly disband by the time it is over. I'm leaving now before the roof caves in on all of your esteemed personages!

Maelstrom: I'm the best and I don't see why we are honoring this fools when I'm the only TRUE CWALer here! Nyah! As far as I'm concerned, the show's over, I'll be going as well!

Kazz: HYYYDDDDDRRRRRAAAAAALLLLLLLIIIISSSSSKKKKK SSSSSSSEEEEEXXXXXXXX!!!!!

(All of them are chased out by the beaver speeding towards them with Fluffy revved up to full force. The movie continues playing.)

Iolaus: This is a moment that no one can forget.

(The camera switches to the main room of CWAL HQ, the floor is littered with paper coffee cups, streamers, and the like.)

Iolaus: It was at one of Exile's parties, and no one believed at first, but Dark Chrono had simply gotten so drunk that he was tap dancing right there in the middle of the room! To this day, he continues to deny it, but *snicker* we all know better!

(Dark Chrono slumps back in his seat with a miserly grumble.)

Iolaus: Yes, all of them great memories, all of them will remain in the past. There were so many more I wish that we could share, and I wish that I could have experienced so much more. I'm sorry I cannot be there to guide you CWAL, but I've since realized my life-long dream to be a racehorse jockey! That Old General....such a good horse! This is dedicated to YOU CWALers, those of you that I know, and those of you that I don't. Just remember, don't be assholes, and continue to drink coffee and play StarCraft!

(The loudest applause of the night fills the convention hall as Iolaus utters those last words. The lights return to their normal brightness as Zeno clunks back on stage.)

Zeno: Now, Mu, the CWAL medic, will recite a poem that he wrote himself.

(Mu wanders up to the stage, taking a piece of paper from his front pocket, and flattening it out on the surface of the podium.)

Mu: *ahem* The following literal device has been previously composed, scribed by myself and will now further be read orally to please your audial apparatuses and relax the negative feelings emitted from the brain cells in your cranium:

I like chicken,
I like liver,
Meow Mix,
Meow Mix,
Please deliver!

[outside in the newbie's cardboard box]

Dei'Nach'r: Hehe! I helped him write that!

[convention hall]

Roses smell nice,
And Lothos he reeks,
But hey,
What can I say,
Other than keen?

I would have said rad
But then I would have been wrong,
For that sounds,
Like a line,
From a MC Hammer song.

On the subject of that,
I have a confession,
I like Britney Spears,
And N'Sync,
Please no repression!

CWAL is great,
Dragoneyes is too,
Dark Chrono tap dances,
And does so,
Better than god knows who?

Pez is an inventor,
A candy as well,
His inventions,
They don't work,
But their intentions are swell.

Talruum is a brain,
With a shotgun to boot,
Give him beer,
Or give him several,
And he's sure to give you a hoot!

Arcturus was cool,
He was revolutionary,
A master of paintballs,
But now,
He's a missionary.

[Outside the hangar]

Imp: Alright now, what are we going to do!

Robo-Gerbil: In approximately one minute, we're going to run in there and throw a net on them!

Imp: A net?

Robo-Gerbil: Yes. A really, really big net! I mean this thing is huge!

Orcfodder: You really think they'll notice? I don't like this idea. I think we should throw potato sculptures at them!

Dei'Nach'r: Well?

Robo-Gerbil: Start the countdown! 60...

[Inside the hangar]

Maggott is big,
Destruction his fare,
He likes Taco Bell,
But in the end,
He really doesn't care.

50....

Lothos the deathknight,
A sasquatch in disguise,
He spells may go awry,
But one thing's for sure,
He never misses an episode of Emeril Live!

40....

War2Guy the pilot,
His passengers scream,
He keeps on flying,
And crashing,
But that's just his thing.

30....

In could keep on going,
I could thank the fodder,
The founders,
Maybe PMD,
But why bother?

20....

We all know the greatness,
We know the vets,
The newbies,
The villians,
CWAL's the best!

10....

*CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP BAM*

(The doors to the convention hall burst open to reveal the Newbie Patrol, headed by Robo-Gerbil. Nobody notices them.)

Robo-Gerbil: We won't take it anymore! We may be newbies, but we demand to be taken seriously!

Imp: Yeah, we're here to win respect for newbies everywhere!

Dei'Nach'r: And to show our power!

Orcfodder: And to stuff potatoes down our pants!

Robo-Gerbil: Throw the net!

(Robo-Gerbil felt the ground rumble, and the horn of a rather large truck honking behind him, which was followed by a familiar yell.)

[everything slows down]

Kazz: NNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Robo-Gerbil: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Kazz, who had just stolen a Mac truck, rumbled towards the Newbie Patrol without a clue how to drive the damn thing. He promptly ran over them, squishing them under the heavy tires of the semi.)

Kazz: WOOOHOOO!!

(Still, nobody turns their head to see the carnage going on behind them. Zeno walks back onto the stage.)

Zeno: Alright! Great poem by Mu! It's been a great night so far, and I wish we could have heard more from all of you, but we're short on time and we need to get the festivites ready for the 2nd CWAL Birthday Bash! So, I leave you with this. The Dancing Deceased CWALers, who we have reanimated with the help of Namrok!

(Namrok gets up and bows and takes his eat again. Colored lights come on and start rotation about the stage in unison with the song. Akira, AnRKsT, Alter, Haplo, Icegoat, Kebs, Keeper, Mr. Phule, Jester, Poeir, and Smoke trudge onto the stage like zombies.)

~o/...Like a Rhinestone Cowboy..../o~

Dancing Deceased CWALers: Uggggghhh......ugggggghh........brains.......ugh...ugh!

(One of Icegoat's arms falls off.)

DDCWALers: BRAINS! MUST EAT BRAINS!!!

(All of them start walking towards Talruum.)

Talruum: AHH! Help me!!!

(A figure bursts through the top of the hangar, her scaled wings instantly noticeable by everyone there.)

Dragoneyes: I don't know why I do this!

(She swoops down and picks up Talruum, holding him between her right arm and her chest.)

Talruum: Hey guys! Look at me! I've gotten closer to them than ANY of you! HAHAHA!

Dead Poeir: Actually.....

Dragoneyes: That's it you bastard! I'm out of here, FOR GOOD!!

(Dragoneyes drops Talruum as his jar shatters on the ground in the middle of the dead CWALers.)

Pikachu: Pika! Pika!

Fin.